Complicated Love

8. A game of pretend

Farah's pov

„That's all for today."
I walked past Aisha, wiping my arm from the water she had just spilled. The students packed their bags and left the classroom. With a heavy sigh I leaned against my big wooden chair while I looked out onto the training field. I was exhausted from last night. After the small rendezvous with Sky I  had gone back to my office. I did not touch the bottle of wine, but sleeping was impossible. I had been awake all night and had thought about god knows everything that was going on and this morning it started right away with lessons. I didn't feel well. A pull in my stomach reminded me continuously of the present situation. A troop of Alfea's best students had left this morning to find that damn beast.
I had actually wanted to do it by myself but Ben had given me one of his rare but very intimidating looks, so I stayed.
He was right. I couldn't go on a Burned One hunt. I was the Headmistress, I had to stay here for my students. . . and I had to stay here for him. I couldn't leave Saul alone again.
From my window I could almost see  the whole field. Sky was sitting a little apart on a bench, next to him one of my students, Stella, and next to her, Riven. They seemed to be watching someone. I had to think about our conversation yesterday night before I took my eyes off them and looked for someone else. Someone who wasn't supposed to be there, but was. I found Saul next to a training platform. He stood stiffly with the help of a stick and watched his pupils fight. This wasn't the first time I'd watched him. He always had such a glow in his eyes when he was teaching, but now there was nothing. Only now and then if you concentrated enough, you could see the pain, he actually felt, briefly rush through.

He shouldn't be out there.

I hadn't even tried to stop him, he wouldn't have listened anyway. But it pained me to see him like this.

He is a soldier, he can handle it...

I thought to myself but it still kept bothering me. I wanted to help him and it was incredibly frustrating not to be able to do more then take the pain away for a few minutes.
I missed him. I wanted him here, in this room, looking at me, only at me with that familiar sparkle and telling me that everything is going to be alright. That's what he always did. I was supposed to be the hopeless, realistic one and he the one who's hope died at last. Saul had always such confidence in me and I never realized before, how much that had always made me stronger. Now I had to be the one to tell me that everything is going to be alright or I wouldn't function anymore at all.
But it was so hard. Especially when Saul, hope itself, was already preparing everything in case of his death. I shivered at that thought.

I can not let that happen, I won't...

Sauls pov

I closed the door of the greenhouse behind me, the pain was getting worse. I had to be alone for a moment to catch myself again but I still had my students outside, I couldn't take to long.

Fucking shit!

I groaned in pain as I sat down to regulate my breath. Ben warned me not to teach again today. But it was important to me to be present, nobody should worry, especially not Sky.

My Boy, he looked so scared...

His pale face flashed through my mind. I sigh, maybe I can convince Sky not to worry, but certainly not Farah. I knew she was watching me from her window just now. Scanning every move of mine, prepared to help at the slightest sign of pain. I could feel her unsettling emotions roaming free and that was enough for me to know how worried she was.
I mean I can't blame her, it could be that this was it... but I still didn't want her to worry to much. She needed her energy. My stream of thoughts was interrupted by a quiet noise behind me. I slowly turned around and to my displeasure Sky was standing there. A little lost, he looked at me worryingly.

Well...that's probably it then, with the beautification of my situation.

We looked at each other for a split second before he started to talk.
„So... what do we do?"

I knew it!

With a deep sigh I stood up slowly, the pain burned, protesting at my every move.
„Well, I've... spoken to my seconds about the plans for your training, and Fa- Ms. Dowling is of course already aware of my wishes for your future-"
„-I asked you a question."
„And I am answering it, Sky."
I said, with a sharpe undertone.
I knew his training plans weren't what he meant, but I wanted to delay the other upcoming and more upsetting part of the conversation a bit more. Sky looked almost angry and wanted to start a discussion about the recent matters but I was faster.
„Soldiers have to have these conversations with the people that matter.We make a plan. That's what we can do."

Maybe I should tell this to Farah as well...

„There has to be something else..."
The boy was clearly not satisfied with my answer. He cleared his throat and looked at me with a sudden sad but also very strong expression.
„I already lost one father. I can't loose another."
Silence.
Such simple words with an immense meaning.
It always pleased me when Sky said that I actually was like a father to him because I wanted that very much to be so. But now, in this moment it just moved me deeply. And suddenly a fear started to rise inside of me that hadn't been there before.
I didn't want to die, I couldn't go! I would leave some very important people behind... people that I loved!
„I will keep you updated on the battalion's progress."
I did my best to cover the sudden chaos of feelings inside of me and to sound confident and strong.
„Do you understand?
„Yeah..."
And he did, I could tell. But he didn't looked calmed. His eyes showed so much sadness, more then I could bare.

XXX

Short one but I hope you liked it anyway. Sorry for taking so long but I'm gonna update the next chapter soon enough! Thank you for reading!
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