Love me like you do - Ariana grande and Big Sean (Seaniana)

just like a rollercoaster

«Wow Sasha how sensitive of you. I just was almost pregnant and you're telling me how I was in the wrong. What a nice thing to do»

She rolls her eyes «no Ariana you don't get to do that. You don't get to pin this on someone else cause you're confused. And I know part of you wanted to have him say you are pregnant. But you don't get to take it out on me or anyone. Its your actions Ariana.» she kinda half snapped at me and I was totally taken back by it.

A couple tears rolled down my face and I could see she felt bad «I'm sorry Ariana, I shouldn't have said that. Its just... you've always been so cearfull with everything... how could you let this slip?»

«Its okay. As hard as it is to hear you're right. I was reckless we both where, not thinking about the consequences. And not to be to graphic here but I remember the moment he released inside of me I was kinda whatever with it... but I shouldn't have been. I should have taken a test right when I started feeling symptoms.. We where just in the moment and I just.. I felt so free»

She sighs and look over at me with an understanding smile «i get it. You're finally really happy and out of a toxic situation. So feeling free and pushing the limits makes you existed. But you gotta be more cearful. But now I'm going to drop you off at Sean's place and you're going to tell him»

«But why? Im not pregnant, no need to worry him about it» also part of me really didn't want to have that convo as we really haven't talked about having kids much.

«Ariana. We both know he needs to know. Its only fair you tell him. He deserves to know about this»

I sigh knowing no matter what I said she was right. Even tho its my body he has a right to know what almost happened. And looking back at it part of me feels so guilty for not taking Sean with me to the appointment and taking the test with him. He will probably be so hurt that I didn't include him in this and I'm kinda scared of how he will react.

Ariana - hi baby. You home? I need to talk to you

Think he already was by his phone cause he answered 30seconds later.

Sean - hi love. Im home, come on over. Something wrong?

Ariana - ill be over in 2min. Mm define wrong. Just something I need to tell you

Its not really something wrong as I'm not pregnant, nor am I terminally ill... I just had a pregnancy scare thats all.. No big fuzz.

**

Moments later we arrive at Sean's place. Sasha just drops me off and gives me a quick lecture on how I need to tell him no matter if I want or not. She may also have mentioned something about if I didn't tell him she would... so I really don't have a choice as getting news like that from my friend isn't exactly ideal... so... gotta just suck it up even to its not a big deal..

«Sean?!» I call for him when I get inside. «In here baby!» comes from the living room.

As I walk in I spot him sitting on the couch watching TV. After I greet him with a soft kiss I sit down besides him but turn so we are facing each other.

«You seem tense baby girl. Whats going on?» he turned off the TV to give me his full attention.

For a second I contemplain not saying anything but then I remember what Sasha said... «i.... I.... I took a pregnancy test this morning»

His face kinda lit up and signaled for me to go on so I did «the test came out positive... so I went to the doctor to get it cheeked out..»

the smile that had come to his face turned into a frown «you went to the doctor without me?» now it came.. What I kinda had been fearing would... he was genuinely hurt....

«Sorry I didn't tell you but can you just let me finish...» he nods «but the doctor said I'm not pregnant. The test did a glitch.. It happens from time to time...»

Now he kinda looked confused «what about all the trowing up and mood swings.. I trough that was signs...»

No.... He didn't.... «You knew I might be pregnant this whole time and didn't tell me? Didn't even bother to ask me!» I snapped at him

«Whoa calm down Ariana... you seemed like you didn't want to talk about it I'm sorry... I didn't but...» I cut him off before he finished «of course I would of if you asked me! I felt like I was all alone! Terrified of what might happen!»

«Im sorry okay! I was freaking out as well. Its not all about you» he threw his arms up in the air.

Silent tears rolled down my face as I stand up «maybe not. But its my body!... I cant do this right now... bye Sean»

As I try to leave he grabs my wrist but cearfully so he didn't hurt me «no Ariana. We need to talk about this. You don't get to do that, push it away. Im sorry okay? It was not cool... but you don't get to push me away cause you don't want to deal with it.»

By now I was sobbing and he pulled me into his lap as I cried into his chest. «We are fine Ariana. Calm down. Its okay.» I could sense he was choosing his words cearfully not knowing what my feelings about it may be..

«We cant tell anyone» I say in between sobs «keep it tight between us so it doesn't get leaked. Only Sasha knows other than us... I want to keep it that way»

He is rubbing my back with his hands holding me close «if thats what you want then we'll do that. No pressure. Its nobodies business but ours anyway.»

«Promise?»

«Promise. Anything for you.»

****

As the night went on I texted my mom saying I would be staying here tonight and me and Sean made our way up to his room. All giggly as we always are. But this time part of me was kinda scared. Like where we going to do anything?

Sean lay me down on top of the comforter and hover over me, straddling my hips kinda. Leaning down he peeked my lips before starting to kiss down my neck, his hands making their way down to the hem of my shirt.

Panic strikes me and I push him off me leaving him looking hurt. «Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you? Im so sorry!» he babels over and over again as I start to cry again. «Please don't cry Ariana. Im sorry!»

«Its nothing you did» I say in between sobs «I'm scared to have sex again. I just can't»

His look softened and he pulled me into his arms comfortingly «baby girl. Why didn't you just tell me. Its okay I get it. We'll just sleep.»

Am I selfish for not doing it? Or whatever? I mean he doesn't deserve to get «cut off» just cause I'm scared. Its a kinky situation but I'm just... so lost..

This day have been a hell of a ride. Like one of the scary once at an amusement park, like six flags or something. Just like one of the big rollercoasters that take you on a scary ride. Thats what my day have been like. Scary.. Sharp turns... just like a rollercoaster....

___________________________________________________________________________

I update every:

200 read

20 votes

10 comments

Twitter: Christinaasland

Instagram: thetvdgirl

Ask.fm: Christinaasland (link can be found in my bio at twitter)

Tumblr: 1999christina

-Xoxo Christina