Blind Instincts

Chapter Sixteen

The sky opens up, the moon and all her glory reveals itself. I've never had faith in the moon, not once believing it to be the bringer of our lives. Now, having met my true mate, I see how sick and twisted the moon really is. To dangle her in front of me when it knows I have a responsibility to protect and cherish another woman.

The pain throughout my entire life of being a slave to my father's demands hasn't been enough.

An epiphany ran through my mind, and I decided a lifetime of hating the moon for giving me this life, has only brought more misfortune.

I sit myself down on the cold, damp ground, my eyes on the moon, and howl. I repent the last 25 years to the moon, letting go of the resentment I've held onto my whole life, I let go of the need to impress my father and his war stricken mind.

I howl for everything bad I've done and everything bad I've been through, submitting to the moon just as I forced many others to submit to me.

I feel the deep sense of relief flow through my body, just as I hear the chime of another wolfs howl. They harmonize with mine, exposing their deepest needs through the sadness of their vocals. Our thoughts interlock and I can feel the passion they feel in this moment, sharing their lives with me, and I share mine.

I slowly ease to a stop, allowing myself just to listen to their beautifully melancholic howls.

They stop not long after I do, which sends another string of sadness to my heart. I realize that they must be close by, so I start to walk. Then I run, and I feel like I'm getting close. I hear them close to me, and then I hear them walk, and then I hear them run.

I follow far enough behind them so they don't hear me, but close enough so I hear them. I feel like a magnet being drawn closer and closer, despite my wishes.

Eventually, we reach the edge of my territory. I recognize every square meter of my pack, as an alpha should. I realize that one of my pack members is out past curfew and for the hundredth time today, a bad feeling rises through my body.

The ecstacy passes and I'm fully focused on exposing the wolf ahead of me. I near them, the dark of the night shielding them from my eyes. They breach through the tree line near the pack house and only then do I catch a glimpse of the defiant wolf.

I stop in my tracks, frozen beyond her sight. She moves gracefully through the large field, and suddenly I feel better. Seeing her wolf prancing around my territory and not lying in her own blood under me, is something that I needed to see.

The guilt of this morning has been playing in the back of my mind, but now that I see Monet, I'm not surprised it is her who has been in the forest past curfew. Since she arrived at my pack, her demeanor has changed tremendously. She was sad and shy, unknowing of the world around her. Now she has broken out of her lifetime of being kept away, and is testing her own limits.

She shifts back into her regular form, restlessly stumbling around the field until she reaches the doors. It looks as if she hasn't switched in her life, like a child's first time meeting their wolf. She must be going back to her room in the estate.

She grasps the handles of the door, shuffling her body inside. When I know she's completely in, I make my way to the same place. I throw the door open, knowing no one will be on the other side.

Her scent lulls me in place, still fresh in the air. It lifts my mind and I feel like my head is in the clouds.

I stand aimlessly for a few minutes before I realize what I'm doing. I shake my head, breaking back into reality.

I decide for the betterment of my own mind, that today has contained too much of my mate. If I continue to have appearances like this with her, the mate bond will never lessen, if that is even possible.

I can tell she has been on my mind too much today, because as I get closer to her bedroom door, my heart quickens and the temptation to open it hits me hard.

I grip my fists as I get closer, and I curse myself for relocating her closer to my personal quarters. It was selfish of me, wanting to keep watch and ensure she is doing nothing I don't want her doing.

It bothers me even more that I care so much about merely walking past her door. I just quietly pass, as I hear a thud on the other side, then a skidding as what I assume is her.

I curse myself again for what I'm about to do, and I put a hand on the door and my head next to it.

Quiet weeps expell from the other side. Hearing the sounds of distress make my already anxious mind, frigid. My heart is a clenched ball in the pits of my stomach.

Depravation pinched my fingertips, the craving of touching my audibly distraught mate overpowering most of my senses. I know it's a bad idea and yet the hard need of running my fingers across her tear stained cheeks, is present all throughout my body.

I stand, pathetically against the door. She is a mere few inches away and yet she is totally unaware of my presence. After a few moments, her cries lessen and her erratic breathing becomes slow and calm.

I fight internally with myself, until I decide I will be opening the door. Before I even think, I whip the door open, expecting her to be calmly sitting against the wall. But, to my surprise, her body tumbled slightly through the frame as I open the door.

My reflexes kick in and I bend down to catch her, though she still lands roughly into my arms.

I freeze with her there, her body on mine for a second time today. The feeling pushes away the negativity from moments ago.

Once I feel like it's safe to move and she won't wake up, I lift her shoulders up and slide my hand under the bend in her legs.

As amazing as the sparks of having her in my arms makes me feel, I do not stay there for long. I lie her over the quilts, her body shivering slightly as she sleeps.

I run my cold finger tips along the back of her neck, which is facing me now, as she lies on the bed. Only because she is asleep, do I dare be this close to her. I can't help the electrifying shocks her skin gives me as I graze my hand against her body.

~

Word Count: 1885