Her First Bite

Thirty Eight | Tomatoes

| Song: Drunk in love (Remix)-The Weekend (slowed) |

***

I kicked back into gear, kicked back into playing mode. The game now re-starting. Football was it? My heart the ball. My emotions the crowd. Vance was standing behind the goal line, awaiting for my movements. Awaiting for my whistle. Awaiting for my speech.

Still, I was still fucking frozen on the field.

It felt like bright lights were shining down on me, spotlighting me. My hands became sweaty. My breathing became batted up. My head- God my head, felt like it needed some protective gear. I needed a helmet. A big sturdy helmet that would protect me when I fell.

The question was, would the fall occur before or in the end zone?

Right now- all emotions that I was feeling was leaning toward never even stepping one foot in that direction. Not even stepping one foot in Vance's direction. Not even letting one word come out from my mouth, addressing the man. I didn't even need to talk to him. I didn't need to do anything with the man.

I almost lost track of my plans from before. I almost dropped the ball. I almost ran fast to the end zone fast like a damn chicken when its head was cut off.

It didn't matter if he came in slugging his feet around. It didn't matter if he came in here with fucking pure guilt in his eyes. It didn't matter that he was standing before me right now because - if someone forgot - he fucking left me. He fucking turned me down. He fucking hurt me one too many times.

He didn't fucking love me.

There was nothing left to say. Nothing left to do. So I was mighty confused on why he even showed up here in the first place.

My voice was sharp. Razor sharp as I bit out my next words. Could he tell that he was not needed here? "Hello Vance." And what was a better opening than that? I needed to appear disinterested. I was disinterested.

"River. . .River." First two words I heard him spoke in weeks. Did it have an affect on me? Did hearing my name come out from his mouth, using that tortured voice in him, have an affect on me? I-I wasn't going to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it. No feelings were involved anymore. His next words confirmed that. "I just want to say that I-" He coughed. Seemed like he was backtracking. Even more confirming to me that there were no feelings involved. "Say congratulations."

"That's all you came to say to me?" He couldn't have texted that? Oh wait, I blocked him. Well he couldn't have emailed or sent that plain message through Erin? It didn't make sense for him to travel all the way here to tell me- Wait wait wait- I was digging too deep into this. Thinking over this too much. If that was what he came to tell me, well then that was he came to tell me.

I backtracked my question. "Never mind. Thank you-"

"No that's not all I came to say." He rushed out. I made sure to revert my eyes from his locked expression every couple seconds so I couldn't get trapped inside them. So he couldn't trap me and have me running with the damaged ball (the damaged heart) in my hands to the fucking end zone. "River, I want to talk to you."

"We are talking." I said not making it easy for him. I wouldn't make it easy for him.

"I meant alone, in private." He added with a little extra tude.

Still not moving my body, not even an inch, I said with the same tude, "About what?"

"About us."

I laughed. A fucking loud, deep, belly moving, straight-from-the-stomach type of Santa Claus laugh. He was real fucking funny. "There is no us."