jungkook felt a bit lightheaded as he was faced by very familiar faces - they looked older, so much older than what he remembered. it had only been 4 years, but it felt like so much longer. his mom smiled as she noticed him, jungkook bowed his head before walking over there - he didn't hug them, he couldn't. he wasn't strong enough for that, not yet.
"jeongguk, sit down please, we've missed you," his mother said, a warm smile on her face. jungkook felt awkward as he placed himself down on the chair, noticing they had already ordered. it appeared his mother still remembered his favourite dish tteok mandu guk from back then - a dish he had avoided ever since.
"is the food okay?" jungkook nodded, diving in, in hope of avoiding some of the awkward silence. a few minutes passed with all of them just silently eating, the tension thick. and then his father spoke up.
"jeongguk - i'm sorry for what i said back then, and that i didn't reach out as soon as i realized my mistake." okay, so we're getting straight to it jungkook though, having no reaction to the words at all - it was nice to hear, but it still didn't fix him - it didn't remove the permanent scars that had been placed in his mind back then - it didn't fill out the hole that had been left open for four years. "and i'm sorry i let him do it," his mom added. jungkook just nodded - understandingly. he didn't understand, but he could pretend to, he could pretend that this was fine - that all of it was fine. he didn't want to speak - afraid that his voice would break and reveal how he really felt.
"we saw the news - they said you had a girlfriend," there it was - the one sentence that jungkook in the back of his head had known would eventually come. he knew. he just knew, that the only reason they are reaching out to him now, is because of the girlfriend.
"i had one, yes. not anymore," jungkook just mumbled, afraid of where the conversation was going next. his appetite already starting to disappear - the small amount of hope he had for this slowly slipping through his fingers.
"so, have you found a new girl?" his mother then asked, jungkook shook his head. for a moment he wanted to lie - to go back to pretending to their perfect son. "i haven't found someone new, no. but uh - there's a boy, it might turn into something, though. i'm not really sure yet," it depended on whether or not taehyung could accept for him - if jungkook could accept himself and learn to love all of his flaws.
"a boy? if you don't have him yet - then there's still a chance to find a new girl," jungkook felt shivers run down his spine. nothing had changed - not that he had expected it to, but he had hoped. "it doesn't work like that - i can't force myself to fall for a girl," jungkook tried. he made a mistake as he got eye contact with his father - and there it was, the same disgust that had been in his eyes the night they had kicked him out. at the time his worst nightmare had been to have his dad ever watch him with that look in his eyes again, and here he was - 4 years later, with the same damn look that had once torn him apart.
this had been a mistake.
"i'm gonna go the bathroom, i'll be right back," jungkook mumbled, voice low. he could feel himself crumbling as he made his way to the bathroom - he wasn't planning on staying, he couldn't. not after the looks he had received.
mouths can tell lies, eyes can't. and his parents just proved that. jungkook felt a single tear slither down his left cheek as he climbed out of the window in the bathroom. he felt torn - but in the same way he felt as if he had gotten the closure he needed - not in a good way - but more in the 'i know now, that i just need to let go - this is never gonna work' kind of way. and for jungkook? that was enough. it had to be.
jungkook didn't wanna worry namjoon, he didn't want to explain - didn't want to answer the questions, so instead he just started walking. he had no idea where he was, had no idea where he would end up - he just walked, and hoped for the best, leaving the fancy restaurant on the small mountain behind. when he was younger he had lived near a few mountains - he had missed it. before he had been kicked out, he and his dad had used to go hiking a few times a month, whenever he had the time. that's probably why they chose that restaurant, in hopes of gaining some brownie points for a few of some good memories from his childhood.
jungkook walked for almost an hour before reaching somewhere that seemed oh so familiar, the beach, back when he was a trainee the beach had been his escape for whenever it all got far too overwhelming. back then he would spend hours sitting on the shore, completely drenched as he just sat there staring at the water and the way it flowed - telling the waves all of his problems and worries.
jungkook let out a sigh of relief as he freed himself - and his body, letting himself dance along to the sound of the waves crashing together - jungkook felt home, he felt at peace for the first time in almost a year, and for a second the doubt, the pain and worries went away. he wasn't jungkook the idol - he wasn't the perfect son jeon jeongguk. he was just him, and for once that was enough. jungkook smiled as he paused - loving the overwhelming sound of his heartbeat, and the way his lunges fought to gain their air back.
"that was beautiful," jungkook turned around and was faced by a stranger, clapping. the stranger was clapping, and somehow jungkook hadn't noticed. jungkook bowed slightly, before smiling in the direction of the guy - still too breathless to talk. "i took a picture, hope you don't mind. do you want me to send it to you?" the guy then asked, a shy smile on his face. jungkook nodded, the two of them quickly becoming friends - it was just for a day, but jungkook still appreciated the company. smiles and laughter were exchanged as the stranger joined him to dance with the waves.
authors note ! me sad = story sad i was initially planning on giving the parents a redemption arc. but emo hours ✊
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