enemies (with benefits) » l.r.h || completed

thirty four

"Why doesn't Vanessa ever come out of her room? I feel like I haven't seen her this whole trip!" I rolled my eyes.

"She isn't feeling well," I told her. "she threw up after I got her ice cream. She's probably resting."

"She's lactose intolerant, why did you get her ice cream?" Ms. Tilley was beside the couch now, hand on her hip. I looked up at her. When I first met her, I thought she was really pretty, nice even. But I witnessed her emotional abuse towards Vanessa and everything about her became ugly.

"Calm down, sis," Aunt Lilly cut in. "your daughter doesn't feel good so she wanted some ice cream."

"And then threw it up," Ms. Tilley retorted.

"That's my fault. I said something that upset her," I regret saying that because her mom's eyebrow raised.

"What'd you say?"

"Just said something I shouldn't have," I mumbled, averting my eyes to my lap.

"What?" She demanded and I flinched.

"I'm taking care of it, Sam," Aunt Lilly barked. I flinched again, looking at her in the corner of my eye. I now know Ms. Tilley's name, after all these years. Who knew it was something as simple as Sam.

"Did he at least apologize?" And I suddenly disappeared and felt like I had two moms.

"He was just going to," Aunt Lilly gently nudged my arm, signaling for me to leave the room. I got up and practically ran up the stairs. I was headed toward the guest room that was for me when music flowed out into the hall. I walked down to the sligtly cracked down and listened quietly.

You've got a second chance, to take it all away.

I pressed my ear closer to the door when it swung opened and I stumbled into the room.

"What are you doing?" Vanessa muttered, looking over at me. The music started fading and I felt my face burn. I shoved my hands in my pockets and fumbled over my words.

"I-I was going to my room," I looked at my feet. "but the song s-sounded nice." She nodded, bringing the quilt over her mouth. "Are you feeling any better?" She shrugged, her body shifting under her blanket.

"I just don't know why you keep trying," Vanessa looked away.

"I don't either," I mumbled. "I guess I just can't give you up."

"You showed you didn't care when I tried to explain to you what happened," she shot back. "in fact, you looked like you weren't even paying attention."

"I wasn't, because I wanted to cut the bullshit and go straight to the make up sex," her face contorted, turning into a grimace.

"That's another reason we don't work," her voice raised. I took a small step back, my back nudging the wall. "all you wanted was me in bed. Everything led to us having sex. Do you know how boring, not to mention painful, that is?"

"I'm sorry," it was lame, but I couldnt say anything else. What could I say?

"I'm with Luke, why won't you accept that?"

"Because I want us one more time. I want us to try again," I said it before I could bite my tongue. Well, might as well keep going. "why is it so hard for you to accept I still l-" I stopped, swallowing my feelings as best I could. "want you. I still want you." Vanessa looked at me in disbelief, blinking silently.

"Don't," her voice cracked, shaking her head. "don't fucking do this, Ashton." I ignored her, and my feet moved on their own. I was at the edge of her bed now. "Ash. . ." Her warning didn't set with me.

"One more time," I pleaded. "just one more time." I put a hand on her cheek and she jerked it away. "V."

"Ashton, I'm not cheating on Luke again," her voice sounded shattered. "it took so much to get his trust back, so many nights I wanted to go out I stayed home. I'm not doing this again. I love him too much." I was feeling it, the pain. I felt tears forming.

"Vanessa," she shook her head. I cupped her face to stop her from moving so she could look at me. "Give me this last time to do what I should've done all those months ago." She tried to shake her head again and she struggled with my hands on her face.

"Ashton," a tear ran down her cheek. I didn't say anymore, just looked at her. I looked in her eyes, hoping she can she how much I mean everything that I'm saying. How much she means to me.

I leaned in slightly, my eyes darting from her eyes to her lips then back to her eyes. She remained still. I ran my thumbs along her bottom lip, still looking into her eyes. They grew and the once bright green eyes were dull. I knew I'd regret this, but I was going to go through with this.

I leaned forward and kissed her top lip, slowly feeling her kiss back. I moved down and kissed her bottom lip. I took a deep breath, putting a hand on the back of her neck and gave her an opened mouth kiss, feeling her body relax underneath me. My tongue poked hers, but she quickly closed her mouth. She didn't end the kiss, thankfully.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered against her lips.

"Don't," she put a hand on my cheek and kissed me deeper. It didn't feel like us. It felt so much better. It felt like what I should've done months ago. But, thanks to my luck, it was short lived.

"What are you doing?" Mitchell's voice rang in the quiet room. Vanessa jumped, shoving me away from her. I stumbled off the bed and looked at Mitchell. His face was emotionless, but I knew he was shocked. Disgusted, even.

"Mitch, please don't tell," Vanessa squeaked. I looked over at her and fresh tears were falling down her cheeks. And the pain came back. It was a different pain, I haven't felt it before.

I couldn't keep looking at her, I couldn't look at Mitchell. Hell, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror.

"I won't," Mitchell said. "you can just live with it." I felt his hard glare on me before he left the room, the pain getting worse.

"Get out," she whispered. She didn't have to tell me twice. I nodded and quickly ran out, straight to the bathroom. I dropped to my knees and buried my face in the toilet, throwing up the pain.

This is how Vanessa felt. I made Vanessa feel like this. She never deserves to feel like this. I deserve to feel like this all the time. I deserve to rot in Hell for ever making her feel like this.

The pain kept coming up but I still felt it. It won't go away, no matter the amount of heaving and retching I did. This is how guilt felt. Guilt was painful. And to imagine this on someone else only made it worse.

___________________________

Uh oh.

Sorry I took so long to update. I was discussing the ending of enemies with a friend of mine and, well, the end is near.

Twitter: @lukesenemies