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jungkook97: finding yourself is hard, especially when someone convinces you that you're someone you're not. who am i? i've been struggling with that question for years - even before i became an idol. i do not give a fuck about which genders i'm with, my parents didn't like that, they kicked me out, but luckily my best friend and his parents decided to take me in - but that didn't remove the doubt my parents had planted in my mind - was being in love with some the same gender as me okay? should i have been ashamed? no. no i should not have been - and you shouldn't be either. love is beautiful, and should be celebrated as that - no matter the gender.
i recovered, i really thought i did. i got a beautiful girlfriend who i was head over heels for - i gave her all of whatever pieces i had left. but clearly, those weren't enough - i wasn't enough. but at least i had a promising career, at least i had the world standing behind me. but then i didn't. the world turned their back on me - they believed her, after one sentence. they believed that i had cheated - that i had hit her, and i decided that if people weren't going to listen anyway - if they were going to believe her after one sentence, then i wouldn't bother fighting back. i gave up on my dreams - i let the world be convinced that i was someone i'm not. i let myself be convinced that i was that guy you heard about on the news - the heartless, talentless guy who was nothing more than a pretty face and violent behaviours. i let myself turn into him for a little while - and pushed everyone away way too easily. the only one who stuck was the guy who had always stuck. kim namjoon.
my best friend of my whole life - my platonic soulmate. the only person who has been with me through it all. the one who continuously pulls me out whenever i get too close to the end. i love you so much rm - thank you for being my everything. (i trust you, jin. treat him the way he deserves). kim namjoon. you're my rock. thank you for saving me again and again.
and to myself. to jeon jeongguk. i'm sorry i failed you, i'm sorry i let you be forgotten. i'm sorry that i couldn't be more - this is me letting you go.
this is me letting everything from my past go.
this is me finally recovering.
this is me moving on, so that i can be happy again.
this is me gaining back my dream, as long as you will still have me after hearing this.
and lastly to the one who has my heart - you know who you are, i love you with every little broken piece of my me. i know this isn't what - who - you expected, but i hope you don't mind, because this is all i can give you.
- jeon jeongguk.
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authors note ! i wasn't sure whether or not to change this chapter and drag it out a bit more, but i have no ideas so enjoy :)
