The Wondering Mind

The Process to leaving You

The stabbing pain in my chest is so achingly consistent, it demands to be felt no matter your say in the matter.
I left you because it was the only way for me to survive you, don't be mistaken if I had my way we would still be together.
Your toxic waste was leaking so deep into me my heart started to mistake it for blood.
It hurts I will not lie I have never lied to you and that my dear is the biggest difference between us.
You lied like it was your mother language, I'm starting think it truly was.
You love me? No only the idea of me, in your mind you have free reign to make me who you want but only in your mind.
The pain is unreal and what's worse you let me leave as though you never cared to start with.
I cut the arteries that connected us only to find the only heart bleeding out is mine. Your heart never bumped love into mine for it to have ever noticed mine stopped.
You are selfish in ways I didn't know one could be, that being said you could ask me to come back right now and I wouldn't think twice before running back to you.

Weeks have passed and the pain of my heart bleeding out has finally dulled down a little.
I can breathe without my lungs searching for your exhale.
My mind can finally slip into sleep without searching for your response
My heart beats without listening for the sound of your answering echos
The arteries I cut hang from my heart hardened with clotted blood, their color now black thirsting for a drop of love to rush through them a drop that will never come.
I still ache for you from time to time
My body still craves to feel your touch
My heart heart stops occasionally to listen for your echo.
I still look back to see if your still there
My ears still prick in the mornings when I wake to find any noise bleeding over a phone call we never fell asleep on.
But the pain from before it's not as strong, yes a few drops fall from my heart sometimes but that's another thing we did not have in common
I loved you for you and you could only love the idea of me you created in your mind.
For now my heart still longs for you in the hollow echoes you left behind in me, it still races at the thought of you, but that to will fade.
Before I would have immediately run back to you if you asked however now I'd simply stand in front of you with tear filled eyes and tell you I wish I could but you won't ever change.
This is the process of leaving you, it's not easy and it's not quick but it's all I can do. This is when time is not on my side.

Authors note***
The song I attached to this story is a girl leaving the guy but I was hoping that the actual story would connect to both men and women despite the song being specific. I know there are both men and women out there that have felt or presently feel like this. This is how I've been feeling since the last story I posted and my goal was to connect with the people emotionally about the heartbreak of having to make yourself leave when you don't want to but needed to. It made me feel less alone to know that I'm not the only one and that helped me so maybe it'll help y'all to. I hope y'all enjoy the story! ♥️