ADOPTED BY THE SIDEMEN

· Head Space ·

***

Holly's POV- 1 am

***

I gasp and sit up in bed, clutching my side as I shudder.

My nightmares have started coming back. Ever since the fight, Chelsea's words have stuck in my brain and every time I shut my eyes, I see my mother and father and all the shit I wish I could forget.

I take a shaky deep breath and bury my face in my trembling hands. Most nights it feels like I really can't take it. It depends on what I think about and what the dream consists of.

I try to shake the image of my father beating my mum out of my head, but only feel sicker when my anxiety makes my breathing difficult and laboured. I put a hand over my mouth as the tears slide down my face like hot rain.

I want to go to JJ's room and sleep in his comfort, but I know he has a busy day tomorrow and that he needs all the sleep he can get. He's worried about me all the time and it sucks because it's unfair. My struggles are for me. I don't want to bother the others with my issues because they don't deserve it. I, however, deserve everything that has happened to me. Also, JJ thinks my nightmares have gone and I really want to keep that narrative up. It's embarrassing being sixteen and still having nightmares.

***

I creep downstairs and almost jump out of my skin when Talia says my name.

"Hey," I sigh, trying to calm my heartbeat again.

"Hey, what are you doing up? Its late," Talia frowns.

Talia's sat at the dining room table on her laptop, probably editing. I barely notice Simon as he enters the kitchen behind me.

"Holly? You're supposed to be in bed," he frowns.

"I know," I sigh, grabbing a glass from the cupboard. "I just wanted some water"

I fill my cup with water and take a sip, closing my eyes. The refreshing cool water makes me feel a little better, but my mum's screams still echo around my head, begging my dad to stop. I suddenly open my eyes and see Simon and Talia looking at me weirdly.

"Are you okay, lovey?" Talia asks, looking me over. "You're a little shaky"

"I'm f-fine," I mumble. "Goodnight guys"

***

10 am

***

I stir the cereal around my bowl mindlessly as the rest of the guys talk amongst themselves. Talia and Freya went out for a girls day. They offered, but I quickly turned the invite down. All I want to do is lay down and do nothing today.

"Holly, you okay?"

I look up from my cereal and see Vik looking at me. His eyebrows are knitted into a concerned expression and I sigh.

"I'm fine"

"You don't seem it," Harry says, latching onto the conversation. "Is it about a boy? Your friends being bitchy again?"

I roll my eyes and feel the annoyance rise in me. Harry's listing off the stereotypical girl problems, trying to be funny. I get that he's trying to lighten the mood, but it's not working at all. In fact, he's made it worse. I got no sleep last night or the previous night either. It might explain what I say to Harry next.

"Can you just shut the fuck up already?"

The kitchen goes silent and I don't realize how loud I was.