Pros & Cons

15. The Mind

The rest of the Christmas holidays were particularly glum, I didn't know what to say to the Weasley's - none of us wanted to put our troubles on to the other because we were all going through so much. Our conversations for the remainder of the holiday were few and far between, nevertheless we mostly all tried to be there for Molly, she took the whole thing the hardest.

I felt awful when we finally had to return back to school and I'll try to write to Molly at least once a week, even if she doesn't return the letters. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

The train ride back to Hogwarts was equally as quiet, I leant my head against the frosted window and watched as my breath condensed onto the glass; I started to absentmindedly draw shapes in the condensation and only stopped when I realised when one of my doodles looked a little too similar to the letters D and M.

The atmosphere in our carriage was melancholic and the air was thick, so I decided to excuse myself because I was sure if I stayed any longer I would've been crushed.

"I'll be back in a bit" I slid the compartment door closed and gave one last glance at the inhabitants before making my way down the corridor.

Before I had even taken a step I was knocked back by a ball of curls and anticipation.

"Where's my Won Won? Is he in there?" she pointed at the carriage behind me "Has he been looking for me?"

"Um... sure Lavender. He's right in there, just try and be sensitive"

"What are you insinuating?" She enunciated harshly and I was sure if I said anything else steam would've started blowing from her ears.

"Nothing, nothing at all" I brushed past her and ran my fingers through my hair letting out a frustrated sigh. Hermione was right, she was annoying.

I looked in each compartment hoping to see Hermione or Luna or...

Malfoy.

There he was with his statuesque physique and aura - alone, always alone. I thought misery loves company?

I watched a little while longer as his chest rose and fell emitting shallow breaths, each exhale releasing a small ball of minty mist. His skin was pale and his lips cracked; it was clear how little he cared for himself.

I wondered what had happened over Christmas, knowing what I did I'm sure it wouldn't have been pleasant. I just wanted to... I wanted to-

Shit. He's spotted me.

His glacial gaze froze me to my spot, I tried to give him a small smile but he rolled his eyes and looked back out the window instead. I forced myself to build up the courage to slide open the door and decided it would be best if I sat down in front of him, although I hadn't got as far as knowing what I was going to say. I took an inhale, indicating that I was about to start speaking, but he stood up to leave almost like a reflex.

I reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him - the minute my fingers grazed his I felt this pull, this electricity. It made it impossible for me to pull away and slid my hand into his "Please Malfoy, don't-"

His eyes flicked over to mine for the briefest of moments, but that was enough. He ripped our hands apart and left the compartment without so much as a look back; I wished I had never left the Weasley's. Loneliness was far worse than awkwardness.

Would we always be like this? Have these small moments that resulted in nothing more than a week, maybe a month of silence. Then returning to petty, snide remarks at each other. Is that all that would ever come from Malfoy and I?

I pulled my necklace to rest on top of my blouse, rather than under it, and flipped the pendant between my fingers. I occasionally glanced upon the engraving. Draco.