random a$s aot oneshots/headcannons

💦Nile x Reader💦

this is a slight lemon. so yeah. i made this funny bc why tf not :D

i wont say anymore because then jesus will have more evidence against me :)

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{3rd person PoV}

You marched down the buzzing MP hallway with a sense of purpose. You had just been ranked up to Section Commander, which made you proud, because now you got to boss some people around. You were also given command of your very own 6-person squad. With a certain song bouncing around your head, you made your way to Nile's office. Your fiancé was usually there at this time. The other lower-ranks stared at you in jealousy. 

They had plenty of reasons to be jealous. You were a Section Commander now and could order them to eat your pussy if you wanted to, although...well...you didn't want them to. You saved that for Nile only.

Another good reason was the fact that you were going to marry the dashing Commander Dawk in March of next year. You both had already set the wedding day, time, and location. Of course, many guests were invited as well, including Erwin, Pixis, and Zackly. But not your old ass bitchy aunt, who would just ramble the entire time about what good quality alcohol tasted like, and would probably try to hook up with Commander Pixis.

"That's right sweetie. I'm a Section Commander now." You remarked at some narrow-eyed bitch who gave you the stink eye. She just rolled her eyes and resumed flirting with some bowl-cut boy. You felt as if you were on top of the world now.

"(L/N)!" You heard a shout from down the hall. It was none other than your fiancé with a serious look on his face. You smiled and skipped up to him, humming the lyrics of Break My Stride. Once you stood before him, he lifted his lips into a fake smile with narrow eyes.

"Hi Commander." you teasingly said while letting your knee rotate towards your other in an attempt to look like a hooker. He just stared at you with a strange look. He was weird too, in some ways, but you didn't care. He was still your soon-to-be husband. His cock was big too, so that was another great reason to marry him, you thought.

"My office, now." he sternly ordered you. Happily, you obliged and changed the song in your head. Now you imagined Tear In My Heart playing cheerfully in your mind. Subconsciously, you softly sang the lyrics.

'She's the tear in my heart, she's a carver, she's a butcher with a smile, take-'

You were about to sing the rest when you noticed a soft smile on Nile's face. He secretly loved your cute little voice when you sang certain lyrics. He thought you couldn't see his smile until you smiled back at him. Quickly, he turned to walk into his office and let you in. It was quite warm, but that's how he liked it. 

"So what's wrong Nile?" You asked sweetly. He shut the door and locked it. You raised an eyebrow as he lifted you up by your ass. He really loved your thicc juicy ass, and you knew it.

"I need you." he whispered chillingly into your ear. You sighed and rested your head on his shoulder.

"You always need me. Well, you need my ass anyway."

"Yeah I do." With that, he walked you over to his desk and bent you over it so your stomach was pressed against the desk. You felt him yank your pants and underwear down. He softly grunted before rubbing your soft ass gently. 

"Well, you gonna fuck me, or just touch my ass like you're a virgin or something?" you sarcastically asked. He growled before unzipping his own pants. You both weren't wearing any ODM belts, so it made it a lot easier to strip your clothes off. The ODM belts were hard to remove because they were t i g h t  a s  y o u r  a s s .

"You keep this up and I'll have to punish you." Nile replied in a low octave. You shivered in reply, but secretly loved it. His punishments always made you sore and kept you in bed the entire day. At that moment, you felt an excruciating sting on your ass. Nile spanked you as hard as he could.

"D-Daddy, please~ I'm gonna cum~" you jokingly moaned. He sighed and gripped my hips tightly. 

"Stop trying to be funny. I know you can last a good 15 minutes."

"b...RUH." That was your response. He slid his boxers off to reveal his lOnG tHiCc DiCc. You knew right where he'd put it too. Right up yo ass. 

"Shut it, you yee yee ass haircut looking bitch." he muttered before shoving his monsta schlong inside of your butthole. You screamed at the painful feeling filling you up inside. He groaned softly at the sight of you. Nile let you adjust to his length and Charmin mega roll thiccness. 

"Please...d-deeper sir!" You cried out, wanting nothing more than to be filled up with his burrito dick. He smirked then got a good tight hold on your clappin' booty cheeks.

"Very well. SHINZOUUUUU WO SASAGEYOOO!111!!1!!!!!1!" Nile imitated Daddy Eyebrows for a minute before slamming roughly into yo bootyhole. He huffed and groaned at the sight of you moaning and screaming for him.

"pL3A$E, uH iT F33LS $O g000000o0o0o0od!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You hollered while pushing your b00ty against his thrusts. His pp went so deep inside he could feel the turn where your anus ended and your large intestine began.

"Your ass smells like flaming hot cheetos and pickles you st@nky mothafucka." He said to you sweetly. You screamed 'SUSUME3E3E3E3E3EEE!!1!' before throwing a pencil. Yes a pencil.

"FUCK YOURE SO TIGHT 0H I L0BVE YOU OMFG YEAH YEAH YEAHYEAHEYEAH!!11" Nile hollered out in a high pitched schoolgirl as he lost his fucking mind. You suddenly came all over the place, dripping down your legs and shit. He shot his expired milk inside of you before pulling out and kissing your throbbing ding dong hole. You moaned again.

Then you had a heart attack on Nile's desk.

And you died.

"Oh well, time to go to the next stinky bitch." Nile aka Caillou said.

So you came back to life and killed him.

Then died again.

Saddest love story :(

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PLS IM TRYING NOT TO CRACK UP LAUGHING CAUSE ITS 1AM BUT I FCKING CANT XDDD