I think that I would die (Freddie McClair x OC)

4:

I haven't wrote in days so here I am
Now I'm occasionally fucking cook so I forget about Freddie which hasn't fully worked yet.
I just can't get him out of my head it's like a stupid disease
I can't even properly be in a relationship either. Whatever, fuck it.
Besides that I'm a bit upset that no one understands what goes on through my mind.
I struggle everyday I don't even know if I properly want something or I'm just forcing myself to want it. I hate everything, I hate my mind.

I got dressed and then headed outside. I was pretty tired of being in my house. Plus melody called all of us to help her sell some weed at this underground rave. I was the last one to arrive and of course eyes were on my outfit. "Finally you're here," Melody scoffed. "Sorry my mom was being annoying," I said putting out my cigarette with my boot. Freddie stared at me which made me tingle a bit. I wish he'd stop liking me to save us both. "You look fit babe," cook said smirking. I stayed silent and fake smiled as everyone questions what cook just said. "Anyways we all got to sell this so I can pay off someone," Melody said handing us each a few bags of weed. "Woah this is a ton of spliff," Freddie chuckled. "spliff?" I said confused. "It's what we call weed in the uk," jj added. "Right," I responded trying not to make eye contact with Freddie. We then all noticed Katie and Emily were arguing and it got silent. "Katie could you stop. It was me okay? I was drunk and took MDMA and I fucking felt like kissing someone okay? Satisfied?" Emily scoffed. "Fine. Whatever," Katie said rolling her eyes. "What's happening?" I said confused as hell. "Ems kissed.." Katie Began to say before Emily cut her off. "Nothing. It's sorted." "Ok.." I responded. I then eyed Melody who looked a bit red, "you alright?" "Yeah..anyways let's get to party," Melody said really fast. Whenever she talked fast she was hiding something. But I didn't ask her yet instead I followed her down to the underground rave. Once we got in the smell of drugs and alcohol filled the air made me smile. Being at raves took my mind off of anything and I just had fun. We all split up in groups and I sold my weed pretty fast for high prices since I could easily get what I want from people. I then accidentally ran into Freddie's torso. "Shit sorry," he said awkwardly. "It's okay. I'm- bye," I said walking away quickly. "Fuck," I yelled after he cleared the way. I then noticed Emily and melody talking. "And I wanna kiss you now," Emily said. Melody was silent and gulped nervously, "you're gay?" "No..I'm- sorry," Emily said nervously. "Yeah I'm sorry too," Melody said walking off. Emily then cringed feeling embarrassed and turned around to notice me. I smirked already knowing what was going on but said nothing expect, "how much have you sold?" "Almost all of them," she sighed. We then all met up again giving the money to melody. "Okay I'm off to dance," I said grabbing a red solo cup and moving my hips slowly. The drink went into my body leaving a warm feeling and a buzz in my head. I then started dancing and grooving to the beat of the music, going into a place of serenity. Once i turned around I saw Freddie staring at me and I half smiled feeling a bit like a tease. Once I finished dancing I went over to freddie for some reason. "Why don't you come dance?" I asked chuckling a bit clearly drunk out of my mind. I forgot that I'd had some MDMA and Vodka earlier. "Me? I don't really dance,"he said nervously. His cheeks heated up and made cute little red marks. "Cmon just try it," I say grabbing him and pulling him where I was. He chuckled a bit not wanting to go. I wasn't even thinking properly, sober me is not allowed to be doing this. I then started dancing towards him this time which made him a bit more nervous. I then turned around to face him chuckling a bit. "Are you alright Alexis?" freddie asked concerned. "Mmhm. Cmon dance with me," I said limiting the space between us. I then started to feel dizzy and I kept falling. "Alexis I think you're fucked," Freddie said holding me up. "what?" I said before everything went black.

The next thing I know I'm on my couch and Freddie is standing over me. My head and body was aching, "what the fuck." "Oh you're wake," Freddie said handing me water from the coffee table. Melody then came over, "hey bestie! you fell out at the party. Freddie basically saved you though...thank him." I sat up and wiped my eyes, "I don't remember what happened but thanks freds." "Of course," he said smiling. "Where is everyone else?" I asked. "Right over here," cook said from the kitchen. I then started to remember what happened and I slapped my forehead a bit too hard. "Why'd you just slap yourself?" Melody asked confused. "Oh. My. God I remember what happened ," I scoffed. "Freddie can we forget that every happened I took MDMA and I wasn't me," I cringed. He nodded feeling a bit awkward. "What happened?" Cook said coming over putting his arm around me. "Nothing..and not now cook," I responded moving from under his arm. He looked a bit offended and then eyed Freddie with jealousy