Petals | Severus Snape

13 | When I'm Gone

Severus stood up from his chair abruptly, a kaleidoscope of feelings swarmed his heart in a swift motion, dragging him into a space that he had never been before. He felt things that he had never felt, overwhelming him, and reminding him that you were lying in the hospital bed because of him.

He had learned that everyone around him would get hurt, and yet, he was careless enough to let you into his life, letting you fall in love with him when he knew very well that it would not end up in the way he wanted it to be. He should have had treated you like any other student, hence you would not be coughing up murderous flower petals because of him, but it happened, and the blame was on him.

Rage pulsed through his veins when he shoved his things from his table, watching as they scattered on the floor, making a visible mess in his usually neat and tidy office. A fresh swell of anger rose in his chest, and Severus had never felt so angry before in his life. He was so angry at himself for not noticing the signs earlier, that you were giving your heart to him, and devoting your precious love for him. He was also enraged to know that he had left you alone in your tears, just because he was too afraid to see how in love you were with him.

"I'm sorry, Y/N..."  

His anger slowly subsided when his eyes landed on your chair, empty, and somehow he hoped you were sitting there, smiling at him like he was the only man in the whole world that was worthy of your love.

Did he love you?

"It's just a dance lesson, Professor. Can you please help me?"

You looked up at him with your luminous eyes, reflecting himself who was smirking at you, and somehow from the reflection of your eyes, he felt better about himself, like he was meant for more than this, like he was finally meant to be happy.

"And why should I help you?"

He could not help but smirked as you crossed your arms against your chest, pouting slightly at his question. You looked so annoyed, but still trying to ask for his sympathy as well when your pout turned into a bright smile.

"You should help me because if you don't, I would embarrass myself during the ball and you wouldn't want that."

Severus rolled his eyes dramatically, but nevertheless, he nodded, making you squealed in excitement, sending a warm feeling wrapped around his cold heart. He made you promise not to step on his foot, but your promise was long forgotten once the dance lesson started as your clumsy feet kept stepping on him.

Severus slumped into his chair, realising that there was something in his heart every time you were around, but he was too stubborn to let it in, and he was stuck in his past, not being able to comprehend that he was actually letting his future slip through his fingers. He put his head in his hands, breathing heavily, as he pondered what he really felt for you.

His eyes moved towards the floor, spotting the shattered glasses that came from the broken picture frame. His heart beat increased as he realised it was the picture that you gave him, and he stood up almost immediately, kneeling down on the floor to grab the picture, careful not to pierce his fingers with the glasses.

It was a picture of you and him, you were beaming while he scowled at you, clearly unhappy with the fact that you were taking a picture together with him. Perhaps to others, the picture was far from perfect, with his bitter expression and your enchanting smile, but you held it dearly to your heart and decided to frame it, and gave it to him as a gift. Severus could not remember the last time he got a proper gift from anyone, but you always managed to surprise him.

"What is this?"

He raised his iconic eyebrow, pointing at the picture frame that was now on his working table, and he was sure he never put it there. You sent him a smile, shrugging your shoulders, looking as innocent as ever, but Severus knew it was your doing.