Bedtime Stories From a Dirty Birdy

What a Nice Guy

William opened the door of microwave, popping in a plate full of pizza bagels and chicken nuggets.  He set the timer for three minutes so he could have it nice and hot.  The young man went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Mountain Brew to compliment his lunch like a good wine pairing.

The microwave still had another two minutes to go so William pulled out his phone and scrolled through all the scantily dressed women.  While hearing every photo he wondered if they were just deprived of attention. Why else would they have no sense of modesty?  With the signaling that his food was ready, the man slipped his phone back in his pocket and grabbed his lunch.

William placed a pizza bagels in his mouth to snack on as he brought the Mountain Brew
And plate of food back to his bedroom.  Once inside, he kicked his door shut with a thrust of his foot. The man set his food next to his keyboard and settled into his well used chair. It was time to hop onto BirdBook and scroll aimlessly through his feed.  He opened the messenger on the screen and pulled up the profile of a girl he's been interested in a while.

Ariana.  She was a petite woman with orange hair and bright green eyes.  Her profile picture showed her wearing a white sweater that hung off her shoulders and a sun hat laid neatly on her head.  Her smile could light up a room.  William sighed. It looked like she still hasn't responded to his messages.  He started scrolling through his previous conversation starters with her.

William: "Hey beautiful. How are you?"

William: "Ariana I hope you're doing well, I noticed you read my last message but didn't respond. That's cool I guess..."
William: "Good morning my mysterious flower. I'd love to learn more about you so I could take better care of you mi amor"

William:  "I love your new profile picture, the brightest star can't compare to your splendor."

The man couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong. The last four messages were not even read.  He thought women liked being flattered, so why wasn't Ariana all over him for his showering of compliments?  He figured he would try again.

William: "Good morning gorgeous."

Ariana: Ariana is typing

William was excited. She was finally responding! His mom was right, patience DOES pull off. He got a response and stared at the woman's reply.
Ariana: "Please leave me alone, I'm not interested in men."

William stared at the screen for a minute. His face began to turn red and his brain began feeling fuzzy. He typed in a quick response.

William: "fucking slut."

The man went to the red head's profile and proceeded to block her.  The absolute nerve. He was nothing but kind and she wasn't interested? William knew he was a catch, so what if the redhead was a lesbian. That shouldn't make him unavailable.  He started scrolling through BirdBook's feed again to calm down when something caught his eye.  A profile to someone named Elizabeth.  Wow she was stunning to look at.

William clicked on the new girls profile and opened up the messenger.
William: "Well hello, beautiful."