A Song for Ezra (ONC 2021)(manxman)✅

You Know I'm No Good

Determined to succeed and overly confident in my skills, Imperfect rented a studio to make a video. Since I spent most of my menial income on clothes and sneakers (I forgot to mention I had a sneaker addiction), I couldn't contribute anything financially. It was a good thing they liked me.

Memphis's significant other, Melissa, and her brother, Lucas, planned on filming the video at a local studio. Over the past twenty years, Massachusetts became a popular place to film movies with studios all over the state, mostly due to all the tax breaks.

Stressing over my appearance, Levi assured me I was "stunning" and would "look great" on camera.

"You're only saying that because I'm sleeping with you," I said.

Levi rolled his eyes, shouting, "Hey, everyone! How does Ezra look?"

Embarrassed, I hid my burning face in my hands.

"He looks great," Isaiah said.

"Yeah, beautiful," Memphis said. "Why do you always worry about your appearance? You're so vain."

"I'm not vain," I said. "I just want to look good."

"Yeah, you're vain," Isaiah said.

"You always look good," Levi said, squeezing my shoulder. Winking at me, he walked away and sat at his drum kit. To me, I had every reason to worry since the camera would mostly be on me.

"Why do you worry so much?" Memphis asked, swinging her guitar strap over her shoulder.

"I'm new to this," I said. "And I'm used to holding a guitar, but Sean's made it clear he's the guitarist."

"Just enjoy being a star, okay?"

"I'm not a star," I said, shaking my head. "I'm sleeping with Levi," I whispered to Memphis, which had nothing to do with anything. The words just came out. I had a habit of running my mouth.

"Yeah, I know," she said. "It's sort of obvious. Why don't we focus on the video? You're all over the place right now."

"Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm just nervous. I'm not crazy about lip syncing."

"You'll get used to it. It's just for the video."

"Before Levi, I've never had gay sex before," I said, returning to the previous conversation. "It was weird... but good. I liked it."

"Please stop talking," Memphis said. "We're gonna start in a minute."

"I don't like you," I said. "Well, I like you but as a friend. I think you're cute, but I don't want to fuck you."

"Oh, my God, Ezra," Memphis laughed an annoyed laugh. "Just shut up before you dig yourself into a bigger hole. Save the dirty talk for Levi."

I nodded in agreement, getting ready.

And then the recording started.

And I forgot all about my anxiety leading up to this moment. Like everyone said, I was a natural entertainer, something I had to remember every time I doubted myself.

Still, I couldn't bring myself to watch the video. I relied on everyone else's critique. Eventually I'd gather up enough guts to look at myself on camera. Lots of people seemed to like it judging by the views and increase in subscribers. I just went along with everything.

Sean, Isaiah, Memphis, and Levi were all crazy, stringing me along, making me think I was so important. If they knew the truth about me, they wouldn't think I was so great.

They blamed me for the band's increase in subscribers and likes. I had been a complete failure until now. Did I really deserve success, friends, or love?