His Own World {a jegulus story}

part 8: truth and lies.

Regulus' pov:
'Do you like me or are you just trying to get out of here?' I asked. He seemed taken aback almost as if deciding if he should tell the truth or not.

'Obviously I'm just trying to get out. He said. 'Who would wanna kiss you?' His voice full of spite.

What hurt more was that I knew what he said was true. It was what everyone had always told me. How could you even think someone would like you? Why would anyone want to date you? You're pathetic. I cant believe I even let myself think he liked me. I'm nothing.

Not even my ex girlfriend could stand me and she was a zabini, the worst type of pure bloods besides my family. What made me think the James Potter would like me? To him I'm just his best friends pathetic, charity case of a brother.

I decided I need to say something, so I said the first thing that came to my mine. 'Of course, who would, right? You're fucked up, do you know that? Filthy blood traitor.' I said and started to walk back to the window. I managed to unlock it and open it wide enough for me to get out when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the floor.

'Sirius told me you've liked me since your first year' he said simply.

I rolled my eyes 'of course he fucking did. He doesn't know what a fucking secret is, does he?' I whined.

'Of course I like you, baby black. How could you think I dont?' He asked, ignoring my previous fit over my brother.

⚠️TW: EATING DISORDER AND SELF HARM⚠️

'Well, because why would you? I'm your best friends pathetic, drug addicted, little brother. No one likes me. My friends only used to hang around with me for the social status my family holds or for the drugs. You know that I cant be in an argument without crying now because it scares me. That why Sirius was so gentle when bringing me in here and why he sent lupin to get you, so I wouldnt get triggered. I forget how to breathe and I start hyperventilating in any form of confrontation. You shouldn't like me. I just called you a blood traitor for fuck sake! I'm fucked up, you know that. I do a fuck ton of drugs and dont eat for weeks, not until I start to feel so weak that I cant stand up, then I do it all over again. I punch walls until I see a hole in it if I'm mad. I cant control myself. I get pissed off over little things. I cut myself just to see blood and feel pain.' I stopped for a second before mumbling 'the pain I deserve.' My eyes started to water because I've never told this to anyone before.

James's pov
'The pain I deserve' I heard him mumble under his breath.

'Dont you dare say that!' I said, firmly. Although I did make sure not to yell so I didn't scare him. 'You dont deserve anything like that. I have liked you since I first met you on your first day of Hogwarts. I still remember it perfectly, you and Sirius walked onto the train together and he forced you to sit with us but the only place available was next to me so you sat there without kicking up a fuss (even though we both know you wanted to). I started talking to you to make sure you didnt feel left out but every time I said anything, you would become a stuttering mess and just turn back to the book you were reading, which I'm pretty sure that week it was to kill a mockingbird. You had this really cute, black blanket that had R.A.B embroidered in the corner with gold thread. You fell asleep and ended up with your head on my shoulder. The rest of the marauders were teasing me when I started to blush. I knew I was gay since then but I pretended to like Evans so no one would catch on. I finally told Remus and Sirius that I liked you, only this afternoon. That's when they started planning and went to Sirius's room. I guess locking us in my bedroom was the best idea they had. You dont deserve any pain ever.' I finished just as he looked at me through tear-filled eyes. 'I do have one question though' I said.

'Whats that, then?' He replied.

'Where where you when they were planning because as far as I was aware, they were in Sirius' room. And you were in there all day, right?'

'I was in the balcony with the door shut. I just saw them.out the corner of my eye, thinking nothing of it.' He said.

'You're so stunning, yanno that?' I asked as I pulled him into a kiss. We actually kissed this time. It was a passionate kiss. I pulled him onto my lap. Then I ran my tongue along his soft bottom lip, asking for entrance which he gladly gave. We fought for dominance for a bit. Eventually, I won and let my tongue explore his whole mouth. I could feel the scars and taste the blood from when he was pinging on molly. I think I fell in love with him from just this kiss though. Why crap! I think I'm in love with my best friends little brother.

(5th February 2021)