This Can't Be The End

Chapter 20

Warning : This chapter contains topics that may be sensitive.

~~~

I try to focus on the things that my English teacher is saying, really I do.

But how am I supposed when I possibly have just agreed to go on a date with Ryver?

Ok, I did agree. I agreed to go on date with Ryver Webb popular quarterback, that still hasn't settled in.

I'm feeling a whirlwind of emotions, I'm anxious, scared, but most of all excited, excited because it's with Ryver.

That doesn't mean I'm not anxious, he's going to hurt me, that he wouldn't ask answers to questions that I don't know when I will be ready to answer.

After Parker and I broke things off for good, or at least I broke things for good. I changed. I never wanted to date again, he had hurt me, and ruined any chance me of ever trusting another guy ever again.

I let him convince me that his hurtful words were true. This is a part of my life I keep locked away in the back of my mind, always, because I know if I don't it will open old wounds.

But I shouldn't think about it, considering I actually agreed to go out with Ryver. I know Ryver isn't Parker, I don't know how, but I know.

How I know that he is different.

Then again, Parker was the best boyfriend any girl could ask for until he wasn't.

So how do I know my judgement is right this time around?

I should stop analyzing this and hope for the best, he's Jake's brother. I think that's enough to assure me he's good.

*~*~*~*~*

I see the notification on my phone later that night, when studying for a quiz that I have in math, Ryver's name flashes on the screen, a small smile coats my lips.

Ryver: Are you busy Friday night?

I am but I'd rather spend my time with him then go to a party so I type back.

Me: No, why?

It's clear I'm horrible at texting, Chloe always says I'm the most boring texter, I won't lie say that I'm not, it's obvious I am.

Ryver: Do you want to go to dinner with me at 6?

Me: Sure.

He texts me saying he will pick me up, and says I should dress casually when I ask what to wear.

The smile stays evident on my face for the rest of the night, I probably look creepy but I don't care.

I'm happy, really happy for the first time in a long while.

*~*~*~*~*

"I'm sorry." I cry. "I love you, please stop."

I beg Parker as he roughly takes my clothes off again, I look up at him then rest my head against his pillow, not wanting to see the look on his face again.

I didn't want to sleep with him because of the last time, but he said he'll make it better if I behave.

"No you don't." He chuckles darkly, he pulls my hair roughly to the side and I suppress the scream that threatens to come out of me, when he whispers in my ear. "But don't worry you'll remember after this."

He begins being rough again, clawing at my thighs to push them apart, and grabbing my hips roughly to bring me closer to him.

I silently cry and tell him I love him, and that he's the only person I will ever want, and anything that can show him that I do love him.

Hoping he will stop.

I'll do anything to make him stop.

I jolted awake, tears streaming down my face, I haven't had a nightmare in a long while, I thought they stopped, but I guess things don't ever go as we want.

I try not to think of those nights the way he would touch me, the way he would hurt me, saying I'm his.

I used to think it's how it's supposed to be. I was sixteen and he was eighteen thinking he was smarter in that category. I regret many things, but the most is letting him still affect me even after more than a year and a half.