Only Angel [h.s]

𝟭𝟰 - 𝗗𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗘𝗻𝗱

You've gone quiet, you don't call
And nothing's funny anymore
And I'll keep trying to help you heal
I saw you crying and dry your tears

[Deep End
Birdy]

—————

I need to call in sick for work, I should do that right? I should email my professors too I think. To be honest, I have no idea what i'm supposed to do in this situation.

I feel pretty numb right now though.

After I was able to get the words out and tell everyone what happened, Harry immediately started booking a flight for the both of us. Sarah, Olivia and Mitch cleaned up while Stella was unfortunately throwing up her breakfast. Kendall, Talia and Taylor all expressed their sympathy but they had places to be, which is completely understandable and i'm sure it isn't how Gigi and my brother wanted them to find out.

I told Harry he didn't need to do this but of course, he rejected the idea of me going alone almost immediately which I suppose is also understandable.

I don't think i'm actually in the right state of mind to do anything right now, so I do appreciate it.

Harry rung Zayn as soon as I was able to tell them what happened and my brother told Harry that he, Gigi and Bella where all rushing to the hospital.

I don't know what i'm supposed to do, how i'm supposed to feel and how i'm supposed to express my emotions. It's like my brain hasn't fully caught up yet and my body is on autopilot, it feels like i'm have a weird, fucked up, out of body experience.

The one thing I didn't expect though, was for my withdrawal symptoms to come crashing back ten times harder.

I had to get Harry to force a sleeping pill down my throat which, in hindsight, might not have been the best solution for someone with a drug problem. I knew that I would eventually pass out from exhaustion, I know I actually wouldn't have been able to down the pill because my body's natural reaction would be to stay alert and I probably would have short circuited and would have refused to take it.

I passed out, I think Harry packed my suitcase or atleast i'm assuming he did because it's currently checked in and on the plane, he took one of my other cars, an SUV with tinted windows and drove us both to his house (I was still passed out) so he could pack his own suitcase and change, then he finally drove us to the airport.

And now, i'm sitting in the first class waiting room, staring straight out of the window, looking at the cloudy, grey sky.

Harry grabbed my backup phone from my room too and I think the fact that I can contact my brother is one of the only things keeping me from completely breaking down so far.

But I haven't cried and I don't think I can at this point.

I mean it's pretty stupid, why am I having withdrawals over this? The answer is simple, drugs feel good, pain doesn't, yes in the long run drugs bring pain, they bring suffering and a lot more but in the moment, when you take that first line, that first inhale of smoke, that feeling of the drug running through your veins, you feel good.