Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(43) Him and I

I was so grateful that he was here, because right now, all I needed was to be held.

I pull away from his chest after what feels like years, though it is only a few mere minutes. My sobs have decreased and now only a few stray tears fall from my eyes, but I try my hardest to wipe them away, annoyed at myself for being so weak.

"I'm sorry, I'm being such a baby" I mutter, laughing bitterly as I look up at Magnus, who's wearing an anxious frown, the worry and sadness he holds deep within his eyes, evidently seen as he watches me. I see his shake his head fervently, before reaching forwards and grabbing my hands, his thumb running smoothly back and forth.

"No" He states certainly, "You are not a baby- you're heartbroken and hurt, and people who are heartbroken and hurt deserve and should be able to cry as loudly and as emotionally as they wish to" He argues, his face serious, a contradiction to his usual happy self.

"But" He starts, as one hand comes up and wipes with a tissue at my messy eyes, "Crying won't mend the problem, hiding here, away won't fix your broken heart biscuit" He scolds lightly, insinuating something far more complex than I could even comprehend.

"Well, I can't face it, I-I can't sit there and watch him marry her, Magnus. It- It's too painful" I croak out, my voice cracking as I feel myself quivering, my bottom lip breaking as all the familiar emotions and feeling wave over me like the tide.

Yet again knocking me over.

"So, don't watch it" He mutters, lifting my head up and staring strongly into my eyes.

"Stop it"

I gasp out quietly, pulling back as I take in Magnus's words, completely and utterly bewildered  by what he was suggesting.

"Stop it?" I breath out, my tone a mixture of confusion and anger.

Like I'm going to embarrass myself further by objecting to a wedding everyone but me wants.

"That's not happening Magnus." I state harshly, standing up and walking over to my vanity again, this time leaning against it. "I've been hurt and humiliated enough, I am not going to go get kicked in the teeth by Alec in front of everyone"

I watch Magnus sigh, shaking his head before jumping up, rushing to stand in front of me again. "He likes you, he cares about you in ways that he can't even imagine caring about Lydia- we all know that, biscuit! He thinks it's too late, it's up to you to show him that it isn't" Magnus pleads, his hands coming up to either sides of my face and pulling me close, desperate to get through to me.

"Remember what I told you not too long ago?" He asks rhetorically, "There are thousands of Shadowhunter's, but great love comes once in a lifetime if one is lucky, and one would be a fool to let it go" He whispers, the words running over me like a breath of fresh air, instantly taking me back to that day.

Reminding me exactly how I felt.

"How will I know that for certain though?" I ask, my voice meek and expression nervous, my insecurities and doubts peeking through, since I was by definition everything that Lydia wasn't.

Maybe Alec just didn't want me.

"I swear to you, Izzy told me that she overheard Alec and Jace, he thinks you deserve better and that after everything he couldn't just drag you back... he thinks you've already given up on him" Magnus emphasises, and I seem to sober up emotionally, the words he says sinking deep into me, settling, and I find myself almost star struck.

"I never gave up on him" I whisper, my eyes shining with hope as I look at Magnus, desperate and practically breathless, waiting to know that this was right.