The Deeper you Dig, The Darker it Gets

30.

Song of the Chapter: Trauma by NF

Draco's POV

      My mother closes the door behind me and instantly I dissolve into tears. I hate crying, it makes me feel weak. But they just won't stop. I try to slow my breathing but it only gets faster. The more I beg myself to stop the less I feel in control.

      I don't want to do bad, please don't make me. I know I haven't been the greatest but if you give me another chance I will bring good to the world. All my life I've had night terrors about becoming my father, if you make it a reality I'm not sure I'll be able to live with myself.

                 "Your ceremony will take place on the third of August."

      My mother's words circle in my brain even though all I want is to push them out. My hands grip the sides of my head and I feel my pulse in my temples.

       Maybe it isn't so bad, you're just overreacting. Breathe in, breathe out. Focus on something else, anything. Remember what Malory taught you in year four? Look at your surroundings.

                   Malory.

       Like a scene from a movie, she enters my mind. I let my eyes close and pay attention to every detail in hopes of calming myself down. And at first, it works. The color of her eyes matches the sky today.

      Then something changes, her smile fades to a frown. The whiteness of her eyes goes red and I want to ask what I've done to make her cry but I answer the question myself. At my feet is Dumbledore's dead body. Bugs crawl out of his mouth, he's starting to rot.

             I promise, I'm not evil.

        The vision of her fades and I'm left alone in the empty room with a corpse. There's a sudden ache in my stomach, something trying to get out. With that, my eyes swing open and I vomit up the reality I don't want to face.

             I'm going to be a Death Eater.

            *           *          *

            "I thought you'd never show."

      Aary pulls me in for a hug the second she answers the door. I sent her and the others an owl letting them know that I wouldn't be visiting for a while. After my father got arrested shit hit the fan at home. My mum wouldn't let me leave until something was decided.

          It was decided this morning, so now I'm here.

            "I don't know how long I can stay," I tell her. "Do you have booze?"

         "Uhm..." Aary looks around the kitchen. I spot multiple empty bottles of whiskey and laugh.

                      "There's not a lot to do here." Blaise enters the room.

        Before taking a seat at the dining table I grab the last bottle with liquid inside. Aary and Blaise take a seat across from me.

                  "So any news on your dad?" Blaise asks.

         I swallow hard. "Yes, but I don't feel like talking about it."

        As I go in for another sip I notice a figure walking in through the glass of my cup. When I lower my drink and make eye contact with her, she freezes.

                  "Nice to see you too." I mumble.

      Malory snaps back to reality and takes a seat beside me. Her posture is tight, anxious. Something has her on edge and I would ask but she won't tell me.

               "You know it's summer, right?" I ask her.

                    She turns to me, confused.

"A fucking turtleneck?" I scoff. "Don't tell me you're actually cold."

       Her jaw clenches to keep herself from saying something she regrets. I know it's probably not the best thing in the world to make fun of a girl's clothes, but come on.

       Aary breaks the silence. "Well, do you guys want to play something? I found loads of board games-"

                    "Yawn," I interrupt her. "Anyone have any better ideas?"

       I notice Blaise staring down at the amount of alcohol I've emptied from the bottle. He opens his mouth to say something but then stops himself, that's the right move.

            "Fine. Blaise, Mal, and I will play a game then. You can just sit here."

       I make a sarcastic pouting face towards Aary and she shows me her middle finger. Her and Blaise get up from the table and wait for Malory to do the same.

           "I'll catch up with you two in a bit." She tells them.

        They both hesitate but eventually disappear up the stairs. Malory and I sit in silence for a while, both trying to think of something to say.

                    "I'm sorry about your dad." She says softly.

             I sigh while pouring another drink. "Yeah, me too."

      Malory pulls away the bottle of whiskey mid pour to try and grab my attention. It works.

                "Draco, listen. I wanted to talk to you about something."

       "If you're going to tell me you're all worried about me, I'm leaving." I snap at her.

       She inhales deeply. "No, that's not what I was going to say. I just know things have been hard lately for all of us and it would be nice if we could talk-"

           Malory flinches when I get up from my chair. "Are you serious?"

                      "Drac, hear me out please."

     The amount of sympathy and concern in her tone makes me feel safe but every time she speaks I want to scream.

          "What are you going to say?" I raise my voice. "Are you going to try and compare my situation to something you're going through?"

                    Malory's cheeks turn red with frustration and she huffs. "Well maybe if you let me speak-"

         "This isn't some boy drama, Malory!" I shout. "But if you think sharing your problems is going to help me with mine, then by all means! Let's hear them."

      I told a story once about how well she is at hiding her emotions. Every time I've almost seen her cry she's sucked that water right back up and acted like everything is fine. And this time she pretty much does the same thing, but there's one difference.

        With our eyes still connected I watch a single tear fall onto her cheek. Her hand quickly wipes it away but the image of it gets burned into my brain.

           "You're right," She sniffs. "I shouldn't have pried, I'm sorry."

      Before I can say anything else or try to make the situation better she leaves the kitchen and goes up the stairs. I hear the sounds of laughter coming from above and part of me wishes to join but after what just happened I don't feel welcome.

       So instead I grab my coat from off the back of my chair and head towards the front door. Right as I place my hand on the doorknob someone from the other side opens it.

               I laugh. "Fucking hell, she's not going to be happy to see you."

         Harry, Ron, and Hermione stare at me with blank expressions so I just push past them and start walking to the train station.