Hell is Lost | Book I

Chapter 8

I untied the knot and pulled a letter out of the bunch. The paper smelled of roses, which probably came from the perfume bottles. I then turned the lamp on and leaned my back against the cupboard and started reading it.

March 13, 1991

Dear Damian,

Today is my first day at this psychiatric facility. I never wanted to leave you like this, but your father insisted that it's better if I see a doctor and get help. I have no idea how long I will be here, for I believe these people can't help me...as the darkness and despair that I feel are unfathomable.
It's a curse for a mother to leave her baby like this just two months after giving birth, and not see him grow up everyday. Words can't describe how much I miss you my baby boy. I know you are too young to read, but I hope one day when you're old enough to read, you find out how much I love you.

Love you,
Your mother Selene Blackwood.

"Selene was Damian's mother?" I wondered.

Curiosity took over me and I pulled out another letter.

April 5, 1991

Dear Damian,

I hope you're doing good. Your father told me that you're growing so fast, and how calm you are as compared to other babies of your age.

As for me, I am still the same. They run tests everyday, give me medication but there's still a long road to go. The hospital staff is great. The doctors are some of the finest people. I have made some friends in my group therapy sessions, and I told them about you--that how you are the cutest boy ever and how you have the most beautiful grey eyes in the world. They all want to meet you some day.

Love you,
Your mother..

May 7, 1991

Dear Damian,

Today I am going to tell you a little story about your birth.

When your father and I got married, we were so in love. We were happy, and travelling everywhere, going to musical performances, visiting famous places ...but after a certain time, we felt there was something missing. We longed for a baby, that would complete our family.

So we tried, and tried and tried. But nothing worked. We went to so many doctors, but it still didn't work. We visited some spiritual places too but there was no hope. Me and your father got really disappointed. Our spirits had given up.

Then one day, while we were in Europe, an old lady came up to me and asked, "why are you so sad?" I told her that I wanted a baby but we weren't being able to conceive. She then took my hand in her hand and said,"don't be disappointed, just believe in yourself and think about your future baby."

She then handed me some pebbles and said,"you will be a mother soon" ..and with that she just left.

I don't know what happened but within a month I got the good news.

Till this day, I can't forget that old woman. I don't know what she was, and what she did or maybe it was a coincidence..but we were finally able to have a baby.

I told you this story because I wanted to tell you how precious you are for me and how difficult it was to bring you into this world.

I hope you don't grow up to hate me, thinking about how I had left you soon after giving birth. I love you forever.

Your mother...

I kept reading letter after letter, but as I read each letter, the writing got shorter and some had just single sentences and nothing else. Some weren't even finished off properly.

It was getting dark and the room was getting cold. I pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around my body.

I then took out another letter.

June 15, 1991

Dear Damian,

Today I am feeling really restless. Since last night, I've been having this strange feeling of burden and heaviness in my head that is making it hard for me to focus on anything.

The doctors have given me medication but that weight is not going away. I don't know what it is.

I am also missing you a lot today. I miss seeing you, even though it's been months since I've met you.. I just want to tell you that I love you so much and I hope you have the best life ever.

I wish you become a successful human being full of compassion and kindness.

I don't know when we will meet but I just wish that you know I love you.

Your mother Selene...

I scrambled through the cupboard to look for more letters but there was nothing. It was the last letter.

What happened to other letters? I wondered. Were there more?

I noticed the dates on the letters. "If we go by his mother's letters, then she checked into that hospital just two months after giving birth to Damian, so that means Damian was born in January," I told myself.

But there are no letters beyond June. Which makes it exactly six months since Damian's birth.

"And Agnes had told me that Mrs. Blackwood committed suicide when Damian was just six months old. So, that was her last letter," I thought and my heart started to sink.

I felt a strange sadness inside me that I was reading the last words of someone. I quickly gathered all the letters and began tying them up in a bundle. Soon, the door opened. I nervously turned around, fearing who it was and found Agnes standing with a tray in her hand.

"What are you doing?" She screamed.