Her First Bite

Twenty Eight | Gum

Hence why I wanted to leave. This class.

I was so embarrassed. There's one thing to be embarrassed all by yourself in your apartment because someone didn't text you back, but being embarrassed in a majority of people? Of your classmates? In public? It was a whole different feeling.

I didn't like it.

I couldn't stay in this class any longer with the way things were moving.

Time must of have got my gist about me want to leave because i looked up and noticed we only had a few more minutes left of this class.

Okay, fuck I was torn. One part of me wanted to leave. Escape out of this embarrassment and just run away and never get closure from Vance. (That would drive my mind crazy). Another part of me wanted to hatch it. Wanted to talk this out with him. (That would make me look stupid, but at least I could get closure?)

Guess which part won? My parents were part to blame for me taking extra time in putting my bags in my bag and plainly staying after class. They always told me communication was key. Always told me to speak my mind.

They were to blame for me staying after class.

My heart was to blame for me staying after class.

My heart which was tearing by the second because even after the last student left out of the classroom, he still hadn't addressed me. And I knew that he knew that I was still in here.

Maybe this was a bad idea? Being in the same room as Vance after getting exposed? I was happy that James was absent today so I didn't have to worry about someone finding out why I was staying back in his class and asking questions. But. . .was this a good idea?

My final answer came out as yes. I needed to speak my mind even if he didn't want to listen. I needed him to know that I was sorry that we got exposed like that. Maybe I should've talked to James more and made sure that he was actually going to keep the secret? Maybe I should've did a lot of things. But it was too late for that now. Our secret was out and my thoughts needed to follow in suit.

My cheery flavored gum started to loose its flavor but I still kept chewing on it. Chew, Chew, Chew. When was he going to turn around from that board and face me? Chew. I guess I had to be the first one to talk.

"Mr. Lawson?" I called out, looking at his back. Was that too formal?

"Vance?" I tried again when he hadn't answered for a few minutes. Well if he wasn't going to talk, he could listen. My mouth opened and I started to share my thoughts. "Listen, I want to say I'm sorry, I didn't know James was going to tell. I also don't know-"

"Get out." Was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

All of those minutes, hours, seconds of not talking to me and the first words he was going to say to me was get out? His voice tightened on the word out. It sounded like a grunt.

Was that really the only thing he was going to say to me? "Excuse me?"

His next comment didn't help to bring down my heart rate. My heart rate this time, soaring up because anger was approaching. I was angry. His tone also portrayed his anger. Did I care? Nope, not one bit. "I said get out."

Okay, now I was showing my anger. I accidentally swallowed my gum as my teeth bared, and sunk themselves into my bottom lip. My hands became jittery. My breathing skipping beats. My heart, my heart, felt like a target. His voice, his sharp tone stung and poked little dangers into my chest.

If he would turn around, he could see how much his hateful tone affected me. I wanted to his face - wanted to see if he was affected as much as me. I wanted to know, I hoped that I was not the only one hurting. But still. . .he was still facing that damn wall.