Glazed Doughnuts

CH 15: It Has Always Been You

Gulf tightened his hands around Mew. He wanted to keep Mew as close to him as possible. This was probably the happiest thing to have happened to Gulf to date. His one and only love started to love him back. 

Even though Mew was still crying. Mew was still to understand the whole situation. Mew still thought that Gulf doesn't love him anymore. Mew's senses were all numb. But Gulf was too overjoyed by hearing those words from Mew's mouth. Mew had been saying all those hurtful things to him but the last words had cancelled all the hurt in Gulf's heart. Gulf was happy to just know that Mew loves him.

Mew tried to free himself from Gulf's embrace and move away. For Mew, he didn't understand why was Gulf hugging him. He thought that it was just pity and Gulf just wanted to stop Mew from crying. That only made the pain in Mew's heart increase. And his tears too increased. But Gulf was quick to grip Mew tighter. Mew looked to Gulf's direction, to find answers. But what he found was not the answer that he had been looking for at all.

Gulf held Mew close. Mew cried, "Let go... please" Gulf only caressed his back. Even though Mew was saying all this but he had already rested his head on Gulf's chest once again. Mew's hands were clasping on Gulf's shirt. He didn't want to leave this embrace for a long time. 

He wanted to stay here in this warmth for a long time. This was the kind of calmative no one else but Gulf could give him. It was like an assurance to him that there is someone in this world who accepts him regardless of all his differences and scars. That there is someone to aid all his pains and hurt. This embrace reminded him that there is a pair of arms that are there for him to come to. That he had a shoulder to cry on whenever he was sad. That he a chest to dig his head in for comfort. And that he had a pair of lips to kiss him reassuring his safety.

But Mew could not be sure if this was still his place. If the arms were still there to embrace him and him only. That his safe place would not be taken away from him like his past ones. That night, he was about to talk about his feelings to Gulf. It took him the whole day to build up the courage to confess his love. But when he saw a girl standing that close to Gulf, his courage got flushed out of his systems. He didn't know what to do. He cried the whole night and was still not feeling well. When Gulf was there to talk to him the next day, he went harsh on the younger because he didn't know what to do. He was so lost. 

The whole week, he was avoiding Gulf because he was afraid. He was afraid that Gulf might ask Mew to split with him. That Gulf would tell him that  he has found someone else and he no more felt the same for Mew. That he didn't want Mew in his life any longer. That was why Mew was keeping away from Gulf. Just so that he could at least have their marriage certificate to call Gulf his. He wanted to return to this house. It was his home. Rather, anywhere Gulf was, that place was Mew's home. The only place he feels safe. The place he could spend his whole life without any regret.

When Gulf said that he should come here tonight for their parents' sake at least, his heart stopped beating. It couldn't find a reason to beat. It was like Gulf was only asking him to come home because there would be guests and not because he himself wanted Mew to return. Seeing Gulf cook like before, Mew's heart was full. He missed the determination Gulf had in his eyes while cooking. Nothing could disturb him when he was standing in a kitchen. He would dance around the kitchen, swaying his hips to some inaudible rhythm while getting ingredients, chopping them, decorating the dishes and admiring the flame. He missed this sight every morning. He missed how Gulf would smile widely at him as he placed the food on the table. And how Gulf would eagerly wait for Mew's comments on his cooking. He missed those puppy eyes that begged for Mew to have liked it.

Mew requested again, "Please.... let go o-" Gulf didn't let Mew speak any further. Gulf just captured those lips he had wanted to taste for so long. Gulf moved his lips on top of Mew's, gently. Mew was frozen in his spot. He was still trying to absorb the fact that Gulf was kissing him right now... on his lips. Mew loosened his grip on Gulf's shirt and moved his hands to Gulf's neck. He firmly rested his hands on Gulf's chest and neck and started moving his lips to Gulf's rhythm.