Worth And Risks | BACHELORS SERIES 1 |

Simula

Have you ever felt extremely exhausted to the point where you just want to vanish into oblivion? Be thrown away down to a cliff. Deported somewhere where no one can find you. When you just wanted to be swallowed by the earth because of humiliation.

They would say be yourself, but when little remorse starts to attack you you can't withstand the feeling of breaking and pain. It almost felt like dying whilst still breathing.

My parents would always remind me about my boundaries. No intimate relationship until I finish my college degree, keep my distance from people, and a bunch more childish restrictions. It's starting to make me feel so caged up, I don't even have any plans for my life and that is one thing I struggle with. All of the rules I need to follow made me scared of the people around me.

With that, I can't withstand being with other people I don't trust. It's hard to get along with other people if you have trust issues with them.

As I do all of the things they want me to do, it makes me change the way I want to control and decide my life. It alters the true me into a doll. A doll where you can just play around, and when you suddenly get bored you'll just end up throwing it away like it never even gave you any joy or purpose.

All of my life I always felt that I'm following somebody's path, that I didn't get the chance to do what I want to devote to like my passion for art.

Art can just make you feel free. Madadala ka niyan sa malalayong lugar, dahil as bawat pinta na-i-imagine mo ang lahat ng bagay na gusto mo kahit na hindi ito totoo. Nakakagawa ka ng lugar ng sayo lang, na malaya kang gawin ang lahat. Naipapakita at nabubuhos mo ang buo mong emosyon sa bawat pagpinta. Kaya, kung hindi ko man maipaliwanag ang narramdman ko, idinadaan ko nalang sa pagpipinta.

Pero hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon may papabor sa gusto mo.

"ANO ITONG KATANGAHANG GINAWA MO KLEA!" I flinched and as I tried to calm down and hide my sobs.

"P-pa-pap-" I stuttered.

"Huwag mo akong matawag tawag na Papa putangina mo!"

"GREGORIO! LENGWAHE MO NAMAN! HINDI BOBO ANG ANAK NATIN PARA HINDI NIYA MAINTINDIHAN IYANG MGA SINASABI MO! KAUNTING RESPETO NAMAN OH."

"Ano kamo yun? Respeto? Iyang malanding yan ang walang respeto, kakampihan mo pa itong malanding it-" Hindi na natapos ni papa ang sasabihin niya ng dumampi sa pisngi niya ang palad ni mama.

"Pagsabihan mo pa ng malandi ang anak mo, sinasabi ko sayo Gregorio divorce papers na ang maihahampas ko sa muka mo." Pagbabanta ni mama. Mapaklang tumawa ang aking ama sabay hawak sa pulsuhan ni mama.

"Ito anak ko? HINDI KO YAN KAANO ANO! Don't make me laugh, isa lang naman yang ligaw na basura na napadpad dito sa pamamahay natin. Inutil, pabigat, mamatay tao. Wala akong anak na manipuladang malandi!" My mom tries to get out of my father's firm grip but it was useless, she is too powerless against his.

Kahit anong pagpupumiglas ni mama ay wala siyang magawa, sa tangkad at laki ni papa wala siyang laban. Nanirik na halos ang mga mata ni papa sa galit. He is going berserk, it almost feels like he can easily drag mom out of our house.

While I'm here crying the crap out of me, walang magawa si Kuya Carlson kundi ang yakapin si Aldrixon na ngayo'y nasa wheelchair. Anastasia just looked at me with disgust and eventually turned away.

'I'm sorry.' Kuya Carlson murmured as a tear slowly fell down his cheek

I smiled sadly 'It's ok.'

"Ano kakamihan mo tong ANAK mo?! Kokonsintihin mo tong mga katarantaduhan niyan ha? Pwes ako hindi!" He then turned to me and eyed me furiously.

"SAGOT!"