One-shot Compilations

Forgiveness and Expectations

I already forgave him. That's the realization I have, after I read his toxic apology message all over again, about how he was a mess and that he was the one who screwed up. On how great I am because I have always been the bigger person and giving him a million of chances.

I forgave him not because of his messages. I just woke up one day feeling light. I woke up one day without feeling that grudge towards him. That it doesn't hurt at all anymore. I just sound bitter because I don't know how to say gentle words about him anymore. I have hated him for a very long time I am just used in cursing him but I forgave him. I forgave him not because I should but because I came to forgive myself for letting him treat me that way. For years I have been neglecting myself and prioritizing him because he WAS my world. He WAS my life.

I forgave him not because I have forgotten what he did, but because I came to love myself and accept that I really did wasted those years in vain. I guess that's the hardest part of forgiving. It's not just the other person too, that you need to forgive but also yourself. It's not what the other person did, but it's about forgiving yourself for letting them do those things to you. I realized I was holding and closing myself to others because I was so damn afraid to get hurt but I realized that's how you spiced up your life. That I don't need to close myself up on that one heartache. That as harsh as it may sound life is just like that. You get hurt; you get up. You get hurt and you get up again. It's a vicious cycle, you need to get used to.

I forgave him because I want to move passed that. I don't ever want to look back anymore. I can't promise not to be reminded or triggered from time-to-time, but I don't want to hold grudges anymore. What happened, already happened. It is what it is. It's not like holding that grudge will change the fact that we screwed up. I realized that no amount of hate could undo the pain that fucked up relationship has caused us.

I forgave him, but people should know the boundaries and he should stop... Expecting. It's tiring me. Reading these messages again won't let me run back to him. Reading these messages won't sway my heart because he is not the one holding my heart anymore. I am not that girl who was so in love with him anymore. That girl is non-existent. He should stop expecting that I will reply to his messages with so much enthusiasm. He should stop expecting that we could be friends because we won't. We can be casual with each other, but not friends. I forgave him, but that doesn't mean he should expect that we could relive the past because we won't. I won't eat what I have thrown up already.

People should stop expecting, especially our friends, family and his relatives. They should stop expecting. They keep saying we should try because it is right. No-- we shouldn't. We shouldn't try and why would going back to each other the right thing to do. Is it because he is available and single and I am as always... single. How is that right? I forgave him. I swear I already did, but he and the people should stop expecting something from me. It's draining my energy and it's making me... disgusted. I know I loved him, but not anymore. Please note that is in past tense. He was my life, but he's nothing more than a dust to me right now.