apples and scented candles • h.potter ✓

• forty-two •

Instead of going over to him as he desperately wanted to do, Harry settled on the bed and looked at Corben's back. A hug would evidently calm him but a part of Harry argued that a hug was not what Corben needed now. So he decided to talk. "What can I do for you, Corben?" he asked, for the second time.

Corben seemed to be trying to get his breaths under control. Eventually, he turned around and faced Harry, though he kept his back pressed against the wall. "I want you to be realistic with me," he said. His voice was low and monotonous but firm, giving Harry the impression that he had rehearsed these words many times before. He nodded.

"Okay. Will you explain to me what that entails?"

Corben lowered his eyes to the ground. "Do you know how awful it makes me feel when you keep insisting that I will be an Auror?" Harry's mouth opened in shock though he refrained from saying anything. He continued looking at Corben, silently encouraging him to speak. "When Theo keeps imagining my future - chasing bad guys and dumping them into Azkaban? When Blaise smiles at me and says that I'll become annoying and pedantic and make their lives hell for breaking rules?"

Corben paused and looked at his open palms as though hoping for some magic words to appear on his skin. His words made little sense to Harry but he waited for him to explain.

"I know you guys mean well," Corben continued, voice dropping to a whisper. "I love you all so much and I appreciate the support but it's not doing me any good. I'm constantly thinking about how not to fail you, how to live up to your expectations. Every time you express hope about my future I get terrified. I work my arse off and memorise all my books five times because you have such high expectations that I feel like if I don't become an Auror you will abandon me or something."

His voice broke at the last few words. Harry immediately leapt to his feet and went to hug him but Corben put up a hand to stop him. He complied and stood a little distance away, allowing Corben to compose himself on his own.

"I know you won't abandon me," said Corben after he was done wiping his eyes. "It's stupid but I can't help it. There's always this large cloud above me that pushes me to work and work and work so I don't disappoint you guys. But the more I work the less eager I feel about it. When I first decided to start training to be an Auror I was so excited and hopeful. This is what I wanted to be. This was my dream job. Now it just feels like a duty I need to fulfil rather than a job I wish to have."

This time Corben didn't stop him when Harry flung his arms around him. Despite being the taller one, Corben seemed so small as he buried himself into Harry's chest. Slowly, he backed away and flopped down on the bed, Corben still clinging to him. He scratched his back and rubbed his arms. Corben trembled against his skin but he made no sound so Harry was unable to figure out whether or not he was crying.

"I'm sorry, Corben," he whispered into his hair. "I didn't realise you felt this way."

Corben didn't answer, so he held him silently, continuing to stroke circles over his back. When he eventually stopped trembling, Harry pushed him lightly away so that he could look at him.

"Corben? I'll be realistic with you. Ask me now."

Corben sat hunched in his arms, not looking at him. He asked, "Do you think there is a chance that I won't be an Auror?"

Harry bit his lips to keep the old, familiar answer from spilling out. He said, "Yes. There is. We can never tell for sure if you'll pass your exams."

Corben finally met his eyes. "Thank you." They held each other's gazes for a minute before laughter poured out of their lips. Harry was the first to be able to compose himself and said, "Okay. Next question."