My Life, in Ruins

My Life, in Ruins -Chapter fourteen-

 (Five Months Later)

“Come on Buddy, lets get inside.” I called to my dog.
He sniffed the ground a couple more times and then followed me into the house. I locked the door behind us and then walked into the living room, the kitchen, dining room, and the down stairs bathroom; nothing. Her car wasn’t here, but I didn’t let that fool me, I wanted to be sure my mom wasn’t home. Quietly, I made my way up the stairs, Buddy on my heels, and then paused at my bedroom door.
How long had it been? Eleven and a half months? What if my room was no longer the same?
I opened the door slowly, and then finally pushed it in the rest of the way. The door hit something hard and bounced back towards me so I caught it and opened it slower. My hand found the light switch and I flicked it on, revealing my bedroom. Everything was the same, except for all of the clothes, pictures, and whatever else I left behind was in boxes all over the place. I held back the cry that threatened to fall from my eyes and went into my room the rest of the way. My bed was stripped of the sheets and comforter and the pillows didn’t have cases; so this was it then, my mom’s final act of motherhood, clearing out my room.

I collapsed on my bare bed and Buddy jumped up with me, I was going to have to get all of my stuff out of here before she sent it to charity or the dump, but where would I bring it? I certainly was not going back to my grandparents house. They were great, can’t say anything bad about them, but I had had enough and I wanted to come back to my school for Senior year. My grades were up, I had dropped all my baby weight and was now a healthy 115 pounds and I hadn’t cut or looked at a pill or alcohol in ages -bad things when you’re breastfeeding- so that was it. Besides, Seth didn’t even need me anymore, he was eating solid food and scooting around the house on his butt; he even called grandma 'mama' the other day. They were his family, not me.
I still wasn’t fit to be a mother. I had done my part and brought him into this world, I even stayed around after to make sure he was healthy and looked out for, but now I was done. I couldn’t handle it anymore and seeing him grow more and more independent wasn’t helping either.
Did I have a lot of emotional problems to work through still? Probably. Was I going to continue therapy? Hell yes.
I might not like spilling my feelings out to someone, but at least when I attend I can tell them everything on my mind and they don’t judge.

Since I had moved from my grandparents house, that meant I was going to have to start seeing Emma again, but I didn’t really mind, I was kind of looking forward to talking to her again. And, on top of all of that, I had had my eighteenth birthday so I would be registering myself for the new school year. Look out Wesley Chapel, the bitch is back!

I walked the hallways like I owned them; its how I used to do it and its how I was doing it again. I was no longer the old Bree everyone knew and loved, or hated, or loved to hate, I was a whole new person and I wanted the school to know it.
I wore my cut-off shorts -they were that cut kind that were shorter in the front and so the pockets hung out but larger in the back so your ass doesn’t hang out- and tanned colored stockings because I hadn’t been able to tan in ages. I wore a mid-sleeved black shirt that v-cut in the front to show off my new boobs (I mean you got em’ flaunt em’ right?) and the top hung off of my shoulders revealing my black bra straps. I didn’t try to cover my wrists up, cutting was a part of my life and I couldn’t be afraid of it anymore; if people saw the scars and judged me then that was their choice, but I didn’t care what they thought of me. I was wearing this new pair of coach heels that almost came up to my knees; they had straps that showed off a lot of skin, but covered my toes, and that’s what I liked about them. I had on a pair of knock-off sunglasses to hide my face; I mean who really needs to pay two-hundred dollars for sunglasses when the cheap ones have the same affect? My blond hair was out and wavy, it now almost reached my waist because I hadn’t cut it since getting pregnant.

People stared as I passed, but none dared to talk to me or get in my way. If they knew who I was, they didn’t act like it. When I got to the office I pushed my sunglasses up on my head; they took my bangs with them so my face was totally uncovered.
“Oh Ms. Aston, welcome back.” Said the woman who worked the front desk.
I smiled politely at her. “It’s great to be back.”
“How are your grandparents?”
“Wonderful.” I said. I guess she had known them back in the day.
She filled out a slip for me and then handed it over. Ten seconds later the machine next to her desk went off and my schedule was printed.
“According to your transcripts you’ve improved drastically in your other school so we’ve bumped up some of your classes to fit your level, I hope that’s okay with you.”
I looked down at my schedule noticing some AP and Honors classes. I smiled and then looked up at her again. “Yea that’s fine, I actually want to go to college now.”
This seemed to make her excited. “Wonderful. Well have a great first day, and make sure to keep on this track, you’re going to achieve wonders.”
I don’t know why but this made my heart squeeze; I wish people would believe in me like she did more. This lady barely knew me and she was encouraging me. I smiled again and then turned around only to see a dark-haired, blue-eyed hottie in front of me. My heart started racing in my chest and I felt my knees get a little jell-o like.
He looked exactly the same except his hair was a little longer and his face a little darker like he’d been outside a lot. At first, I don’t think he noticed who I was but when he did his eyes got wide and his mouth opened. I couldn’t move; I had missed him terribly,  I’m not going to lie about that. But the truth is, I wasn’t sure if it was him I missed or the feeling of security I had when he was around. Either way. I couldn’t reminisce on that. Ian was part of my old life, a life I didn’t want to explore again and didn’t want to go back to.
I stepped around him and then quickly left the front office, rushing off in a random direction that I hoped led to my first period class. He didn’t come after me.