consequences// 5SOS

28

Though it was a small bed, these cuddles from Ash and Kaykay were the best.

Eventually, he pulled back and placed a kiss on my forehead, satisfied with my heart rate I assumed, but then his page went off and he sighed. He unhooked and turned off my machines, and covered up my picc line for me, then made a note on my chart.

"I'll be back after my shift, okay? Take it easy, and you can shower now, Michael is probably gonna be a while,"

Luke's page also went off and he gave me a weak smile, then tucked me in and left the room, silently shutting the door on the way out.

Shakily, I got out of my bed, going to the bathroom. It was well lit, and the shower was nice, so I undressed and got a towel and a flannel. I would suck up the hair loss because I couldn't hold off a shower any longer.

My skin was tender, so the water hitting my skin was uncomfortable, but I was grateful to finally shower. I scrubbed my hair and body, then wrapped myself in my towel and stood infront of my mirror.

I wasn't bald, but it was thinning a lot.

I changed into some clean pyjamas and put on a hoodie, then tried to do some walking round my room. In the end, I just sat down on one of the visitor chairs, and went on my phone to watch youtube.

I didn't have any contacts to talk to.

Eventually, I got tired, and achey, so I climbed back into bed and rolled onto my side for the first time without support, a wave of exhaustion hitting me like a truck.

**

A cold hand woke me up, and I pushed it away, waking with a start. They chuckled and I heard them sit down, so I rubbed my eyes and slowly blinked them open.

They met Michael's eyes, and I smiled, sitting up. The blood rushed to my head and I grimaced, then he put gloves on and put it upon himself to clean up my picc line, which was still covered, but I had slept on funny.

He uncovered it and cleaned it, then playfully- but gently- pulled me off the bed.

"I heard you called for a hairdresser,"

"Should I trust you?"

"Hell yeah,"

"Mkay,"

Outside, I seemed not to be too bothered.

Inside, I felt like I was about to break.

My face was swollen, my whole body was, and I felt gross. I had lost who I was, and I just wanted things to be normal. I wanted to feel pretty, and learn, and meet new people.

Not this. Not shaving my hair off in the mirror with my older sister's friend, who I didn't even knew existed a month ago.

"You ready?"

"Yeah,"

"I'm gonna go straight down the middle. But, we need to cut it short first,"

I giggled a little, then sighed and grabbed the scissors, jaggedly chopping my hair to a shorter length before I could take it back. Then he began to shave.

"You do some,"

"No,"

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm," I said, biting my lip.

"You are still gonna look just as beautiful, and it grows back!"

He did about half of my head before I started sobbing, and he turned it off; resting his head lightly on my shoulder, he looked into the mirror with me and managed a bright smile.

"Well, this does look a little ridiculous,"

"Michael," I groaned, laughing a little, "I feel so ugly,"

"I think you are beautiful, and I know that everyone else will agree,"

"I hate this. I hate everything,"

"We will do our very best to cheer you up, okay?"

"Okay,"

"Can I keep going?"

I nodded and he brushed the hair out of my face, starting to shave the rest of it off. Tears ran down my face but I wiped them; when he finished, he grabbed my beanie from the other room and slid it onto my head.

"Perfect,"

"Can you call Kaykay?"

"Of course, do you need help getting back to your bed?"

"Please,"

He took most of my weight and helped me climb onto the bed, then paged Kaykay and held my hand while we waited.

She rushed in, her shoulders dropping when she saw me sat up. It was as if every page she got about me was going to lead her into the room with me dead on the floor.

I slid my beanie off and she gave me a sympathetic look, lifting my chin to look up at her.

"You are still so beautiful, and this is going to get better. This is the start of the end,"