found. | Din Djarin

Nine

It's late by the time we return to the inn, the kid's thankfully half asleep and he drifts off not long after Din puts him in his little floating cradle.

And with the kid asleep it's just the two of us.

For a moment we stand there looking at the cradle until he breaks the silence. "You saved him earlier. On the ship. I- I've never seen anything like it."

"A Jedi is nothing without their reflexes," I answer knowing how badly that could have gone if I hadn't been there. "And do you think I'd let any harm come to him?"

"I know you wouldn't," he answers and there's not even a shred of doubt within him but yet I can feel him almost shaking beneath that armour as he asks "Do you really think I've done a good job with him?"

I can't help the sad smile that comes to my face at his insecurity at being a father, something I've seen with Han since the moment he found out Leia was pregnant. "That child loves you, you are his father. I meant it when I said I hope I can care for him half as well as you have."

"And you were right," he says and his voice is unsteady. "When you said that I'd help you with him. That we'd do it together."

There are so many unspoken questions between us with no answers, and perhaps I don't want to know them.

"It's been a long day," I say stiffly as I feel it all catching up to me. "We should get some rest."

"You take the bed, I'll watch out for any trouble," he offers but I know that last part is just an excuse.

"Din, we're in an inn, we'll be fine," I try to assure him. "But if it gives you peace of mind you can bar the door."

And I watch as he moves a chair over and sticks it beneath the door handle, testing it. Then he looks back at me and clears his throat. "I'm going to use the refresher, you should make yourself comfortable."

It's hard to ignore the tension that lingers in the air as he passes by the single bed into the bathroom.

I'm no stranger to sharing close quarters after so many years on bases, half the time Leia and I would bunk together for practicality. Well mainly because she didn't trust herself not to have rendezvous with Han in the early days, but still for practicality. Besides, I lived with Lando for months so being in close spaces with a man isn't new for me, but I know it's different for him.

My gut tells me he's the type of guy that doesn't stay in one place for long, and any women he's been with he likely hasn't stayed with. Not because he's the type of guy that doesn't care but because he's like me, because he knows settling down is a bad idea. That with our lifestyle of roaming the galaxy as we please it's a sacrifice we have to make.

At least we have that in common.

After a while I hear the water running and lie down on the bed looking up at the ceiling, knowing that sharing a bed with Din is the least of my worries.

The thought of seeing her again, the sickness, it's only worsened. Today was a victory, but a hollow one. My skin crawls at the fear that pounds in my chest, at the memories that I fear will never stop hurting.

We stood at a firing range on Mandalore. For so many years they'd been outlawed but these were different times. Warrior clans from Concordia had returned as tensions with the Empire rose.

My mother had no choice but to put aside her pacifist ideals while the Empire loomed.

I was just nine when Bo-Katan took me there without my mother's knowledge.