Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the American Horror Story world, which is trademarked by Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and world that I am borrowing.
Hi everyone:)...
''Hello Y/N???'' a very familiar voice says as you pick up the phone
''I have tried to call you a billion times already... what's going on?'' Sarah says
''Nothing I'm fine'' you say
''Fine where are you then? I finished filming and you aren't at the house anymore?'' your girlfriend asks
''I'm at home and I have got work to do so talk to you later''. you say before ending the call
Sarah looks at the phone in confusion while she stands in her trailer after finishing another day of filming American Horror Story.
She hears a knocks and the door opens.
''Hey Sarah'' Jessica looks at her and smiles
''Are you okay dear?'' she asks me while I still stare at the phone
''Oh yes I'm sorry.. it is just Y/N she is acting a bit weird.. anyways how can I help you?'' Sarah asks her costar.
''Oh I just wanted to say that I had a great time filming today.. I really like this season. Oh and have you seen this?'' she smirks and looks at Sarah
Jessica shows a newspaper with a photo of Sarah and Jessica saying: ''Lesbian affair, are Sarah Paulson and Jessica Lange secretly dating each other?''
Sarah looks at Jessica and can't help but chuckle. Both of the woman start laughing until Sarah says ''ugh the media these days.. I-'' but then she stops and thinks of you.
''Um I gotta go home Jessica I'm sorry.'' Sarah says
''Oh okay.. have a good evening see you next week'' and the blonde older woman leaves.
Sarah makes her way home to you, she is worried that you have seen the newspaper and are jealous or upset about the rumors.
Meanwhile at your home:
No one has noticed how you have been feeling lately. You always suffered from depression and it got that bad that you tried to take your own life four years ago. You recovered because you met the incredible blonde actress that you had a crush on since years.
You met her at a convention and then you somehow met her afterwards in a bar and that's when you clicked. You could never believe that the beautiful actress almost twenty years older was in love with you. She has loads of money, a career and you have nothing. The fact she used to be married to Holland sometimes worries you. You are a lot younger and you just get jealous easy and overthink everything.
Today was particularly bad. You have not seen Sarah in almost a week only in her breaks because she was filming. The other night thoughts kept racing through your brain and you had the urge to hurt yourself. You somehow looked at photos with Sarah and watched some of her movies which made you fall asleep and forget the thoughts.
But today was worse. You lied to everyone including Sarah and just shut out everything around you. Your place looked a bit of a mess there were bottles everywhere. You felt really sick because you have not eaten anything in days . You don't remember the last time you ate or even made yourself a meal.
As you got up in the morning you wanted to go on a walk which usually makes you feel better but when you found the newspaper outside your apartment and seeing the front page you turned back around and sat on your sofa.
''Lesbian affair- are Sarah Paulson and Jessica Lange secretly dating?'' the headline says. Your body fills with jealousy. You know that Sarah has a thing for older woman and she is constantly filming with Jessica. The feeling of dizziness and feeling sick overwhelms the anger and jealousy. You run to the bathroom and start throwing up. There isn't a lot considering you have not eaten in days.
As you sit on the cold bathroom floor you can't help but look over to the cabinet where you keep your razors and painkillers. You knew deep down that Sarah would never wanna hurt you but you can't help your thoughts.
You grab the razor and start sliding the blade across your wrist. You feel guilty instantly because you have not done this in almost a year. You cut quite deeply and cover it with some paper towels. As you were about to grab the painkillers you hear a knock on the door.
You ignore it but then hear Sarahs voice. ''Y/N?.. I know you are at home open the door''. she says with a soft voice. You flush the toilet to make it seem like you were busy and couldn't hear her knock. You quickly make your way to the door and open it putting on a fake smile.
''Hello lovely.. are you okay?'' she looks at you concerned. She can tell something is off.
''Yes just tired.. what are you doing here?'' you say annoyed
''I wanted to see you Y/N.. that's all'' she says sadly. You feel bad instantly and invite her inside.
''How was filming today?'' you say to distract her and so she wouldn't worry or notice what's going on.
''It was good I was filming -'' she stops and looks around. She can see the place being a mess, she knows you are normally a neat freak so she knows something is up.
You look at her and say: ''I'm sorry I was just tidying up but then you knocked''.
Sarah can tell by the look on your face that you had been lying to her but she doesn't know what is exactly going on. She walks closer to you and you look at the floor. She lifts up your chin so you look into her eyes. Those brown eyes always make you weak. You try and hold back the tears. You turn around so she doesn't sees you upset, but she grabs your wrist and tries to turn you around but you flinch at the pain from your fresh cuts.
''Y/N?'' she says worried
You can't hold it in any longer. You start crying and break down. Before you fall onto the floor Sarah catches you and you sit on the sofa. She holds you tight the entire time you cry. You hold on to her and neither of you let go.
She keeps whispering things to you like: ''Everything will be okay my love.. you will be fine''. Sarahs voice is soothing and you slowly stop crying.
You look at her and say: ''I'm so sorry.. I never meant to cause you pain or be a pain''
But she stops you: ''You have not hurt me and you are not a pain, it does make me sad to see you like this though.. what happened?'' she says.
Suddenly she looks at the newspaper on the table.
''Oh my god.. Y/N.. don't tell me its because of this stupid newspaper'' she sounds sad and not angry which calms you down
''It's not just that...'' you say
''I have not been feeling well lately and I'm sorry that I kept you in the dark about that. I have no idea why this happened again.. and the newspaper just made me sad because I am scared to lose you'' you say and begin crying again
''Hey hey... you will never lose me'' Sarah says reassuring.
She slowly pulls up your sleeve and looks at your cuts, she gets up and gets some bandages. She slowly and carefully puts them on.
''Maybe you should see your therapist again?'' she slowly asks
You nod in agreement. You wanna get help , you wanna do it for her.
''I know what will cheer you up, lets tidy this place up and then get some takeaway and watch some movies.. I know you love to do that'' she smiles and you instantly start smiling.
''Fine Paulson'' you say.
She helps pick up the pieces and you enjoy the time with her.
The next morning you make a therapist appointment. Everything seems okay right now and it feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders having Sarah by your side.
