Sanders Sides Oneshots| Request Closed |

Demus - Hold On

This will have a new format!!  yay

Genre: Angst 

AU: Highschool.

Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Self Deprecation, If you're a remus stan sorry, s/h, overdosing in particular, fighting (both friendship wise and parent wise.) homophobia mention, abuse mention, and hyperventilating.

Word Count:  2280

<3

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Janus was walking home after a particularly rough day at school, he felt emotionally and mentally drained. Remus had gotten in a touchy argument with his brother and then Janus and Remus fought in the bathroom in the 2nd hour before school ended. They both said a few words they regretted, like Janus said, "There is a reason your brother hates you!" and Remus would say, "At least I don't look like a freak." Janus was mentally beating himself up for it. He knew that Remus was suicidal. Remus told him that in confidence. Janus also told him that he was suicidal. Basically they were keeping each other alive.

Loving and fighting, accusing, denying
I can't imagine a world with you gone

Janus walked into his empty house, his mom probably at her aunts. His dad and mom had been fighting frequently. Janus made himself some ramen because he skipped lunch after Roman and Remus fought in the halls before lunch. Janus spent lunch period calming down his friend, he wished the fighting stopped for the day there. Janus finished his food in about 30 minutes, rinsing it and putting it away. Janus went to his room when both his parents returned in a sour attitude. Few minutes after he was in his room, his parents began arguing. It was 4:43 PM and bright outside, too bright to nap so he watched some stuff on his computer.

Janus changed into a hoodie Remus had given him for their first Christmas as a couple. It was a yellow plaid hoodie. Janus had a full length mirror across his bed, he doesn't know why he hasn't moved it because the last thing he wants to do is look at himself when he wakes up. Reminding him of an ugly scar. Janus knew Remus was going through a really hard time.

The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone

Remus's dad isn't the best, abusive would be the word to describe the monster. His dad never understood Remus and therefore hurt the thing he didn't understand. Their mother had committed suicide a couple years ago when they were in eighth grade, they were seniors now. Roman was never favored either, being verbally abused by their father. Janus's problems seemed so fucking stupid compared to theirs. Not to mention, some bastard outed Roman (luckily not Remus.) And their dad did not take it the best. Obviously that is why Roman showed up with a bruised cheek the next day. Janus never knew his parents standpoint on homosexuality. Way too scared to ask.

Janus sighed when his phone dinged with a long message from Remus.

rem💚: janus i am really sorry. It has all been way too much for me, it hurts. I know you keep telling me a year or so until we can leave this dumb town, but a year is so far. Too far. Roman told me he hated me, he wished I was dead. Roman has never had his wishes come true, I might as well be a miracle worker. I'm sorry I told you that you look like a freak, it was not true. I'm sorry I'm leaving you too. I know you'll be well.. sad due to Remy and Virgil leaving as well, but at least you see them in the halls. I guess I lost all my will to live, and I hope you didn't. I swear, i'm not someone to dwell over and you'll be happier without me. thank you for being by me for the past eight years, i love you jayjay. i don't know how i stayed so long but I've overstayed. Hopefully you'll find someone else. Someone better.  Please don't follow my footsteps and leave too, I swear you have a future, you can be anything you want. I cant, I'm a fucking monster. An idiot. I don't deserve you, or Roman, or anyone. Dad always told me it way my fault mom was dead. I wanna ask her herself. I'll tell you the answer in a while. I'm home alone and the front door is unlocked if you care. I love you, I'll see you on the other side Bee.