consequences// 5SOS

26

Rapidly, tears began to form in her eyes and she held me a little tighter, kissing my head. I tried to figure out if she was actually scared of me falling to pieces, or just overwhelmed.

"I really want to make you feel better. To go to school you need to be here, but being here is making you miserable, but if you came home no one could look after you,"

"I'll stay in the week, it won't be so bad when im not bed bound. It all just sucks,"

"It does, it really does," she said, laughing a little.

Both of us turned and looked as Ashton walked through the door, hovering in the doorway. Part of me wanted to scowl, but I gave him a small smile and he returned it with a huge grin.

"Lunch time!"

"I can't wait,"

"Mhm," he chuckled, "Then we need to get you down to chemo. I heard you had tummy ache last night?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay, I want to check your feeding tube is in the right place with an ultrasound,"

"When can I wear my own clothes so that I'm not basically naked everytime someone sees my stomach,"

"We can bring you pyjamas tonight. Who is staying over?"

"Luke, but I want Kaykay,"

"She needs sleep, at home, baby," Ash sighed.

"I can stay,"

"Has she slept?" I asked.

"Hardly,"

I studied her face and saw the bags, and the tired eyes. This was my fault,

"Luke can stay,"

"I will sleep way better knowing you're by my side,"

"No, you will be watching me all night,"

"She has a point," Ashton said, "Just a little cold sweetheart,"

He rubbed gel on and then used the ultrasound to look at my stomach, his other hand holding my own. Then, he wiped it clean and pulled my gown down.

"Juliet did a great job ay?"

"You're better at it,"

"I have practice. Would you like you wear the clothes you came in whilst you have chemo?"

"Yes please,"

"Kaykay will get them for you,"

She took his office keys and left, Ashton sitting beside me and starting to give me the food. I could tell he was still a little wary now that we were alone, and I was too.

I had been pushed to my limits.

"How are you feeling about having chemo?"

"I am trusting Luke and Sierra,"

"Which is good, but I wanna know how you feel,"

"Frightened,"

"That's fair,"

"I don't feel strong enough,"

"I promise you, you are. It will be tougher than last time, but you can sleep and rest,"

"Okay,"

"You're so brilliant,"

Kaykay returned with the clothes and waited for me to be finished with the feeding so that she could change me. It was quite difficult, and I understood why I hadn't been able to shower.