Memories {Oumasai/Saiouma}

~ 11 ~ My Saviour

⚠️~TW~⚠️Child Abuse, Self Depreciation, Sexism.

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The silence throughout the house threatened me as I arrived back home. I already guessed what was going to happen the instant I saw my dad appear from around the hallway corner and stand before me. I slowly pulled the front door shut behind me, keeping it unlocked as an escape plan.

"Lock it." His voice was dripping with anger and hatred. I understood why, who wouldn't hate me?  My escape plan went down the drain though as locked the door before my dad would get more mad, if that was even possible. "Go put your stuff away, your mother and I want to see you in the living room, immediately." He walked back around the corner, presumably going to the living room. My legs threatened to fall out from under me as I slid into my room, dropping my bag on my bed and, just in case, taking off my necklace and slipping it into my pillowcase.

My heart dared to jump out of my chest as I carefully made my way back to the room which would most likely result in a battering. The short few-second walk felt like an hour as I dragged my lead-filled legs along with me. My parents never wanted to speak or even look at me, the rule was: 'Children must be seen and not heard', so for them to call a meeting with me was anxiety inducing to say the very least.

Mum and Dad were sitting on the couch, radiating a horrid, dangerous aura that dared to trigger my fight or flight response, but deep inside my mind knew neither option was possible. "Sit." Mum pointed to the ground causing me to quickly and obediently kneel in front of them which I thought would give me a better chance to jump up when I needed to get away.

"We got a call from the school today." My heart dropped, I had no clue what this was about but I dreaded the answer with every fibre of my being. Dad continued, "do you know what it was about?"

Shit, if I don't answer I'll be in more trouble, but I don't have any idea what I've done! I can't lie in case I'm wrong and make my punishment even worse, I need to respond now though. Fuck it. I shook my head. "Are you sure?" It sounded more like a demand rather than a question. I nodded, wishing I could answer but realised I was most likely making the decision that would result in the least punishment... hopefully.

"You're supposed to be a good kid. Where did we go wrong? What did we do to be cursed with such a despicable child?!" Mum shouted causing me to flinch while crocodile tears ran down her face. I watched in masked disgust as Dad gently embraced her, comforting her before turning back to me full of anger. It was hard to hide the jealousy I felt from watching him hug someone, why can't that be me? Why can't he hug me? 

"Every single one of your teachers have reported you using foul language and talking back in class. Is this true?" Maybe I can play this off... maybe. I, yet again, shook my head no, but that just resulted in me holding my head in my hands in pain. "How dare you lie to me!" Dad raised his fist to hit me again, punching me in the cheek which made me bite my tongue, a small amount of blood spitting from my mouth.

"You have been a little shit for the past few days. You will get your act together or you will. be. sorry!" I tried to hold back the tears that were automatically summoned by the yelling. "You are ruining this family's reputation that we have worked so hard for. You are so privileged, you have a roof over your head, an education, and you still want to ruin our lives!" I couldn't hold it in, a lone tear escaped down my face.

That made me regret sitting so close to my parents after I ended up falling backwards, groaning in pain from being kicked in the chest. "And we did not waste all this time for our son to turn out like a girl. Suck those tears back up like a fucking man." I couldn't help it, more tears kept flowing. No no no no stop it stop it stop it! Stop crying Kokichi!  My face soon became damp as my breath hitched and I started properly crying. "I thought I told you to stop crying." I gagged as I received a kick to my stomach.