Porcelain ♡ Frerard

Chapter 9

I aged up Frank and Gerard to 18 years old because I felt more comfortable that way, I realized I didn't have to stay true to the OG book on that part. Welcome back!

__ 

"I think I might've inhaled you, I could feel you behind my eyes. You've gotten into my bloodstream, I could feel you floating in me." 

— 'Bloodstream', Stateless.

Frank was determined to not give any sort of clue that internally, he was greatly bothered. To say he was wounded would be admitting he had softened at first, let down a portion of his armor to make himself vulnerable, but his pride wouldn't allow him to admit it. Frank would instead pretend that the thing caused him great unease over the weekend had never taken a toll at him at all. It was a lousy thing to be so affected by a person who didn't deserve a single sliver of his friendship or patience, not anymore.

In the beginning, Frank tried to justify Gerard's absence with something else. A family emergency, a sudden case of the flu, receiving an unexpected grounding from a displeased mother. Anything could've went, but Frank had a strong gut feeling that it wasn't any of the above, nor was it another acceptable excuse. Gerard evaded the party on purpose despite promising Frank who entrusted him enough to be faithful to his word. It was quite the opposite, which Frank should've expected before putting his trust into anybody who treated him with little respect in the past. A person couldn't drastically change overnight, and perhaps Frank was a total fool for ever believing something in Gerard's heart shifted.

Frank drifted through the school and went about his day, being a bit too aloof and casual. His friends, minus Frances who coincidentally said she had a huge project to complete in the computer lab whenever she was given free time, thought his behavior was a bit off, and repeatedly asked if he was feeling alright. He brushed off their concerns and used a tough argument with his mother over breaking curfew as a reasonable excuse for his edgy behavior, and though they didn't seem to latch onto the bait while knowing Gerard had stood him up two nights prior, they dismissed the topic for Frank's own sake. Frank was grateful that they no longer addressed it or else he felt he may combust from frustration. 

One could assume it was a defense mechanism concealing the feeling of betrayal. Frank thought it was too much of an exaggerated term, but there was no simpler way to summarize it when he struggled to place his trust in someone he was wary about to begin with. He questioned Gerard's intentions more than ever after being left behind and decided it wasn't worth the level of stress. Curiosity and strange auras be damned, Frank had nothing left to give and he couldn't magically conjure up another ounce of trust; Gerard blew his chances. He couldn't pay his entire mind to infuriating enigmas when he had better things to concern himself with; school, friendships, balancing parental relationships, and doing his best to survive the prison that was high school. Just like an ordinary eighteen year old. 

His mind's focus just wasn't that simple. Frank was bombarded by the emotions of others and he constantly analyzed his surroundings to connect with them. He concerned over the weather and struggled to keep his head above water some days, constantly reflecting on the past and zeroing in on the flaws each of his days brought him more than the blessings he should've counted. He wished he could be more ordinary; constantly thinking about sex and dreading homework and concerning himself with socialization the way an average teenage boy was wired. Frank accepted the way he differentiated from the rest, leaving him so weary of the life laid ahead of him, but he at least owed himself attempts to act normal if his appearance was that of a flesh and blood person trudging through the most mundane things life could offer. 

But, on the basis of pretending there was nothing extraordinary about himself, Frank came to the decision that plenty of people would likely confront someone who treated them poorly, all anxiousness and fear of upsetting others aside. Confrontation was exactly what was needed in his situation, and above all things, it would lend him a great deal of satisfaction to see the look on Gerard's face when he stomped in his direction, uncaring who would bear witness to it.