Flourishing Star

Gambling with decisions

I look around for Logan until I spot him at a table cheering Colin on. When I'm at his side, I put my hand on his arm
"Hey. Where have you been?" He asks me
"I had a discussion with dad"
"On the phone?"
"No. He's here"
"What is he doing here?"
"He came to tell me about an idea. Listen, can we go somewhere?"
"Sure. Colin, you've got this"  Our friend nods and Logan takes my hand. I lead him to that part of the resort that looked like Venice and on one of the little bridges there. There weren't many people, mainly because at this hour, everyone was in the casino
"So what is his idea?"
"He wants me to go to Japan with him for two weeks so he can teach me everything that he knows"
"And what do you think about this suggestion?" I look to the side for a second and then back at him. His arms were crossed and he was looking at me, expecting an answer
"I want to do it"
"When are you leaving?" He puts his hand on his face
"Tomorrow" he looks at me with wide eyes
"Tomorrow?! So we're not even going home together?" He asks incredulously
"Well we can go home together if you come with me to Japan" I say hopeful
"I can't come with you"
"Why not?"
"Because I can't leave work for two weeks"
"I understand, but you can take a break"
"Why now?" He ignores my statement
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you have to leave right now? Can't you leave in a few years?"
"No" I reply simply
"Then why didn't you leave last year?"
"Would you have wanted me to be away last year?"
"It would've been better than now. You're pregnant. I don't want you to put a strain on your body"
"If you're concerned about me, don't be. I know how far I can go and I'm good"
"But this won't be only two weeks"
"Yes it will. Dad said so"
"So you think he won't call you in the future and ask you to visit one of the hospitals in Japan?"
"Well maybe he will. However, it will be different"
"The only difference is that it will be worse. Our protostar will be born"
"I know that, but when they are born, I won't accept leaving. You have to understand that this is the only moment I can go abroad without leaving them alone" he sighs in annoyance and then says
"You wouldn't be leaving them alone, they'd be with me. Their father"
"Dammit Logan, you're making this harder than it should be"
"I'm not making it harder than it should be, this is already hard because of your choice"
"My choice? This is what I have to do!"
"No. You don't have to leave. Why can't he come to us and teach you in America?"
"Because just like you, he has work there"
"I'm just thinking ahead. If you leave now you'll be prone to leaving in the future, when our baby will be born. It may become a habit"
"A habit?!"
"Yes. Leaving often, with each travel for longer periods of time. Doesn't that sound like what your father did to you?"
"So now because I want to learn from him and be the best leader I can for the company, I am my father. Fine. So be it. But if I'm my father, then you are a hypocrite"
"Me? A hypocrite? How so?"
"You're acting as if I didn't drop everything to be with you and move to London"
"That was a whole other situation. Back then, we weren't even thinking of having kids"
"I mean you're right, but it sure as hell was convenient for you to let me figure things out"
"We're discussing the future and present right now. Not the past. Our child will need both of their parents to be present and involved in their life"
"Me going to Japan for two weeks has nothing to do with my involvement in our kid's life"
"Like I said. It may become a habit to travel often"
"It won't become a habit"
"How do you know that?"
"Because I have you in my life. I know that if I ever seem like I'm turning into my parents, I have you to tell me to stop. That's what you're trying to do right now, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. I can't just turn this opportunity down. I'm doing this for you and our protostar. If we want a better future, one where we're not concerned about work and we have time to spend with our kid, we need to step up and do what we had to do from the start. In my case, focusing on becoming the best version of myself and surpassing my father"
"Well what I had to do from the beginning was to marry a suitable young lady that doesn't have a job, but instead I married you. A woman that is fixated on work. I have nothing against you learning from your father, but it's not plausible to learn everything he knows in two weeks. The man has over 30 years of experience. No way in hell is it possible to fit 30 years in two weeks. If you want to learn everything that he knows, it would mean spending months, even years comprehending everything that he's telling you. If you start right now, you will be focused on your career and not on our kid. I don't mean that you will be neglecting them, but you won't give them all the attention I know you want to give them. Now I don't want to be ignorant regarding what you want, however, I don't want you to be overworked either. I didn't want to tell you this before, but don't think I don't know what you're doing when you can't sleep. I know you've been participating in business conferences that are happening in another time zone. I didn't say anything because I thought you were just taking care of things before our protostar is born, like I'm doing, but you're not. Why are you working extra hours? Are you planning to take over soon?"
"No. Our plan is still in place. I'll be waiting another couple of years until dad can promote me. The reason why I'm working extra hours is because I don't want people to think that I'm slacking off and that I don't deserve my position"
"So you mean to tell me that what other people think of you means more than your well being?"
"Of course not. I'm doing this for myself as well"
"What do you mean?"
"If I don't do something, I'm useless"
"You're not useless"
"Maybe, but I can't help feeling that way. I've always been doing something, but ever since I got pregnant, I've been feeling like I'm not doing anything productive. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant. I love knowing that soon we'll have a child. But working extra hours is my way of compensating for my lack of productivity"
"Lack of productivity? You've been working double the hours"
"I know, but like I said I have this feeling-"
"Exactly! It's just a feeling, Airi"
"You don't understand. When I'm at home I feel like I need to do so much more because I'm working from the comfort of my house. So why shouldn't I do extra hours when I don't have anything better to do?"
"Because it's not healthy! Our jobs are already so stressful without having to do extra work. You're just doubling that stress when you should minimize it. So I'm not happy with you going to Japan to work"
"Fine then. If you won't come with me, I'm going on my own"
"I guess I can't stop you"
"I guess so" I sigh and then turn around, walking back to the casino