"And the second one?" Aunt Enola says with a smile.
My face feels hot as I clench my hands beneath the table, "I–it's... it's–you guys won't like it, but the other options are shit–sorry ma. I uh," I scratch the back of my ear, "It's Dauntless." Just as I expected, silence falls over the table.
Ma looks at me like I've grown a second head, "Have you gone mad, baby?" She sounds sweet but I know there's anger underneath the facade.
Aunt Marigold looks startled as she reaches for her wife's hand. I want to smile at the gesture but I know it's because she's angry. I look at David and he looks... fine? He–how is he fine?! I just said I want to go to the people who broke him down and he's okay?
"Could be worse, I guess," Baba says, drinking from his water. "She could've chosen Amity and we would have never seen her again."
Tamino drops a fist on the table, it clatters but isn't very loud. "She chose militant assholes over all the other options. That's what she did."
"Amir, mind your tongue at the table."
He doesn't relent, "How is this okay? What does David think? It doesn't matter, does it? All she ever does is think about herself," Tamino looks at me, eyes blazing as I'm frozen in place at his sudden outburst, "At least we know it isn't Abnegation, right?" Tamino leaves the dining room in a hurry.
Ada watches him go with a sad face, "I'll go and talk to him," Aunt Marigold pushes back her chair, and she smiles at me. "Don't worry about it, he's not thinking straight, Rita." I thank her but it feels fake.
"David?" He doesn't respond and it makes me nervous, he doesn't look like the happy self he normally is... "D, are you okay?"
"Those... are the assholes who stole my life and you wanna go to them?" The venom in his voice startles me. I expected anger, not calmness. "Why not Candor?"
"I've heard kids talking about what the initiation is, I can't go through that."
David shakes his head, "You know what the Dauntless initiation is–and yet–"
"That's why I'd choose between that or Erudite, you know it. You could train me–what doesn't make sense?" I reason and try to keep my voice steady, but everyone's staring and it's making me uneasy. I feel like I'm going to hurl, oh Allah.
Enola speaks up, "I will admit, it makes sense when you put it like that... but the Dauntless are a ruthless bunch. You know that, right?" I nod in agreement. "So why would you go through all that for nothing?"
"I would rather be able to protect myself than to be truthful or smart. Once I'm gone I'm gonna be alone, I'll know nobody and I hate feeling helpless. I want to be strong and David, you could help me be strong enough to make it through the initiation."
"Rita, let us talk about it... take Ada to your room, please." I do as my ma says and lead Ada upstairs.
—
Ada asks me endless questions. She's worried and rightfully so, I just don't feel equipped to answer her honestly. "Are you gonna die, Ritty?" That catches me off guard, Ada looks serious and I can't believe she'd ask that. "A old man told me that the Dauntless make their old leave or die... are you gonna die?"
I grasp her hands between mine and look into her eyes, "Ada, no, I'm not gonna die. Never, I'll always be here," I pressed the pad of my thumb against her temple, "Why do you think I'm gonna die?" I ask.
"Because the Dauntless are crazy, whenever ma takes me to town I see them jump off the train and a girl fell once..." Ada writhes her hands together, "She didn't get back up, Rita... that could be you one day."
"Listen to me, Ada Jane. I won't be dying any time soon, and neither will you. Please stop thinking like that, you're too smart to think so negatively. I don't even know if I'm gonna choose Dauntless, bubs. And even if I do, I'll live just for you, alright?"
A smile grows on Ada's face as she hugs me tightly, "Promise?"
I nod and rub her back, "Of course, I promise, Ads."
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