Chasing Ellie

32. Infinite

Darren Hannigan

"Last night went well huh?" I say to James as he meets up with me in the hall.

His answer isn't nearly as light hearted as I was expecting. "Yeah."

In fact he's lacking an overall relief that I would have expected, he seems distracted and still worried and I can't place it.

Staring at him, I study his features as we walk through the hall, backpacks hanging from our shoulders like an extra appendage.

I don't so much mind carrying a backpack. It's rather useful really. Not only does it keep everything I need contained but it's convenient to always have it on me. You never know when a situation might lend itself to studying.

But James looks at me, his eyebrows knit and pensive and I must be looking at him with a sort of confusion because he forces a smile and blows out a breath.

"I feel guilty." He confesses.

"Why?"

The noise in the hallway increases in decibels as a group of friends cheer and holler over something and my thoughts switch over to sound lever meters. I almost bought one just so I would know for sure if the crowded noisy hallways were going to be inflicting lasting damage to my hearing but they're expensive. Okay, not entirely true, Amazon has one for $20.00 which I am going to research more but I'm not sure I can trust it when every other one is at least a couple hundred if not more.

James lets out a sigh that makes his shoulders sag and he says "because my parents were so accepting and Brett got kicked out."

"But that's not your fault."

"I know but..." he's mid sentence when an arm links around mine and a body inserts itself between James and I. Small enough that without looking over I know it can't be Sawyer or Ben or Caden.

"Hello giants!" Ellie beams.

Instantaneously I am sweating. How can I go from completely dry to soaked in a matter of seconds. Scientifically I know how, yes but not scientifically, I do not. I feel hot, my skin sticky and the fabric of my clothes clinging to my body like they in fact should be one. My heart, god my heart, just quits altogether for a beat. A thing in of its self that is alarming. The moment when your heart seems to suddenly pause only to slam back into rhythm a second too late. My throat tightens, my tongue seems to swell and I know that if I were to be asked to speak I would produce nothing but faulty noises.

"How are we this morning?" She chirps.

I'm thankful that it's James linked to her other arm because I am rendered completely speechless. The mere fact I am still able to walk along beside Ellie is a miracle one that I take a quick moment between my panic to thank my body for always excelling at physical exertion.

"I told my parents last night." James says drawing some of my focus back to him and with it my heart slows fractionally and hopefully my production of sweat.

"And how did that go?" There's no surprise or hitch as Ellie accepts and then responds to the question.

It's amazing how adaptable she is, how fluid she can intake and output information. I can intake just fine. The outtake is troublesome.

"Fine. I mean great really." James lifts his hand as he waves to someone in the hallway. "But Brett is almost not talking to me Ellie."

His gray eyes meet mine and as I take in the hurt and lost look in his eye and categorize and file it away I am nearly certain that Brett not talking to James is not because of James. I don't know Brett that well, we've conversed a handful of times. Most recently, when Ellie insisted I sit with them at lunch, being the most quantity of words we have exchanged between one another. But I've admired Brett, of course from afar. He is extremely intelligent, possessing a wiser, more disciplined air of sophistication that just doesn't exist in high schoolers. Too mature to be with the rest of us.

Even with all of this though, there is no way that James could the culprit for a sudden cold shoulder. But I can't conjure up the words to explain that to James. They can't even form in my mind at that current.

"He needs time James." Ellie says decisively. "You know Brett. Everything he does is calculated and planned for. His life just got turned upside."

She somehow finds the words that I can't create and my admiration for her grows, no it multiples. It seems to continue on and on with each little thing that I become aware of, each tidbit of information that I learn, each small insignificant moment that I am the center of her attention and all the moments when I am just a bystander to her attention, like now.

"But I just don't get it El." James continues on. "Everything was fine, if anything we got closer for a second, and then something changed." His voice drops, heavy and weighted with looming heartbreak. "Now he's avoiding me, I can barely get him on the phone, he keeps saying everything's fine but I'm not an idiot. I mean we're going on days now El."

I can see Brett and Wes up ahead, just past Sawyer and the rest of our group, Savannah also. She stands by Sawyer, her books tucked up under an arm. She looks out of place with our group of friends, her mismatched outfit and brown hair that looks more tangled than not. I've particularly always liked how she (and Ellie) never seemed to be conscious of the trends, rather wearing whatever they wanted. They stand out the two of them and it's very apparent that Savannah doesn't cosmetically fit with the rest of the group that she lingers by.

"Just be patient." Ellie insists. "And present. He'll come back. I pinky promise."

She juts her finger out for James to take, but her focus shifts to me and I flush under it. She's grinning at me, full of mischief and in that moment I know that my attraction, my admiration for Ellie Hope is absolutely infinite.

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I added to my short story:

Mornings are still hard.
Michigan is fucking cold.
The end.