cold | junhao

二十一

The worst thing about betrayal, is that it never comes from your enemies.

It's the only word Minghao can think of to describe the tearing at his chest and sickness bubbling in his throat when his eye catches on an article; one in which Junhui is the subject. Tears sting at his eyes as he tries to blink them away, his hand stilling against Lulu's soft fur for a split second, the fingertips trembling. Minghao's eyes rake again and again over the article, rereading every word like it's his gospel, determined to find some hint of his own misunderstanding.

His shoulder's drop slowly, breath leaving him and gaze dropping to the ground.

You can hardly blame him, though. After all, he lay all of his trust into Jun like he'd never done before, and was never aware of what people in the eye of the public can face - much less how not all of it is real.

But unsuspecting Minghao finds himself believing it all, as much as he tries to convince himself it can't be.

And when Jun doesn't pick up his phone, Minghao's heart only sinks further.

Jun hadn't called him the night before. Minghao presumed it was a small mistake - that Jun had been tired from work and fallen straight to sleep once he finished. That, Minghao wouldn't blame him for.

So what's this?

He tries to call his boyfriend again, the pounding in his chest growing to a steady ache as the phone rings... and then goes to voicemail.

Lulu jumps from the sofa at that moment, leaving Minghao's arms feeling emptier and colder than usual. She runs back into the adjoining room, where the three cats are playing with each other and Ai is sleeping peacefully.

After casting one glance to them, Minghao shuts the door between him and them and walks away. Beyond the window, the sky is grey and the wind is strong. Minghao's only wearing shorts and a t-shirt - an insignificant hint he wasn't planning to go outside today. But his stomach lurches, and suddenly he feels like he's about to start suffocating inside the walls of his home. So, he swings his front door open -immediately feeling the biting of the cold wind from outside - and runs.

---

Truth been told, Minghao has been the only thing on Jun's mind all goddamn day. By the time he got back from his parent's house the night before, he was about to fall asleep there and then, and had promised himself he'd call Minghao in the morning. But being awoken by a new fucking dating scandal had put a hold on that ideal too.

Except now, after he's finally been released from his manager's grasp for the evening and he's doing everything he can to contact his boyfriend - none of it's working. His texts aren't delivering, his calls aren't going through, and it's like Minghao never even existed.

He sends a message to Jeonghan - who he knows has Minghao's number - before turning to the person walking by his side.

"Hey Yuqi, can I borrow your phone?"

After she's passed it to him, Jun hastily types in Minghao's phone number. His hands shudder as he presses the call button, and lifts the phone to his ear.

It rings, making him sigh in relief... but then the typical answerphone message relays back to him minute later, and his phone lights up with a text from Jeonghan. Jun's heart sinks as he realises something.

Minghao blocked him.

What's more than that, Minghao isn't answering his phone at all. In all the time Jun's spent by the boy's side, he's always answered any calls that come through to his phone - even from a random number he doesn't know. The only reason he wouldn't answer is if he's sleeping.

Okay, Jun thinks as he hands Yuqi's phone back to her. So I just have to wait for him to wake up.

He shakes his head to himself as they leave the studio building and venture out onto the street, making himself take in a deep breath of fresh, crisp air. Stop overreacting, Jun.

It's a struggle to force the topic from his head though, and throughout the evening Jun's mind remains plagued by worry for his undoubtedly fine boyfriend, to the point where Renjun comments on it as they're eating dinner.

"What's up with you?" he hears the question thrown at him from across the table.

Jun raises his eyes to stare at the male across from him. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Nothing's up."

Renjun chuckles, "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard - bigger than the ones you used to tell trying to convince us you were straight." He scoffs, and leans in a little closer. "I can read you like an open book, Jun, and something's going on it that pea-sized brain of yours. So come on, what is it? Or we're all going to end up feeling it."

Hardly affected by the insult directed to him, Jun shakes his head. "Just worried about something, that's all."

"He asked to borrow my phone earlier and almost started crying when someone didn't pick up," Yuqi offers. Renjun quirks an eyebrow and Yeji looks pointedly at Jun, all three of them waiting for an explanation.

"What's going on, Jun?" Yeji asks. "Maybe we can help."

Sighing, Jun shrugs and gives in. He briefly explains how Minghao seems to have blocked him and he has no idea why or where he is, and now he's not picking up to anyone.

"Okay," Yeji hums. "First thing - he blocked you. Did you give him a reason to?"

Jun shakes his head, "I don't think so... unless me forgetting to ring him last night is a reason for him to block me?"

Yuqi scoffs, "If he blocked you for that without a chance to explain at least, then you need to rethink your relationship my friend."

"What about the dating rumour? Any chance he saw that and believed it?" Leaning back in his seat with a clear plate and a contented sigh, Renjun turns his attention back to Jun's dilemma.

With a cry, Jun drops his head to the table, covering his ears with his arms and shaking his head. "Surely not... right? I mean... everyone knows they're rarely true and come from anywhere."

With an unsure tilt of her head, Yuqi places a hand on Jun's shoulder. "But if someone isn't familiar with the media much, they wouldn't know that this is how it works. For all we know," she gives her friend a saddened glance and continues in a softer, mellow voice, "That could be exactly what happened."

"I hate this world," Jun groans.

Renjun lets out a laugh. "What a mood."

Over the next couple of days, Jun's anxiety worsens as he doesn't hear a word from Minghao. He asks Jeonghan constantly to try and call him, even giving Mingyu his number too, but neither of them can reach him. Whilst at photoshoots, Jun finds it harder and harder to stand in front of the cameras - drifting back to how it used to be where he's barely be able to focus through the glaring lights and blur of staring faces.

Yuqi, Yeji and Renjun do their best to take his mind away from it in the evenings, coming up with elaborate plans to go out exploring the city around them. Sometimes, they finally see Jun's clouded demeanour drop away and for a few hours he's like Jun again.

Although eventually the good things end and Jun remembers Minghao, and the uncertainty surrounding him like fog on a winter's day - so he builds his walls up once more and his smile fades.

On their second-to-last day in China, during one of their longest days of the week, Jun feels a tap on his shoulder as someone stands beside him. He turns to face his manager, who stares back at him with an unreadable expression.

"I need to talk to you," he says, and walks off again, barely giving Jun a chance to process what he said.

Jun looks wildly after him with wide eyes, suddenly unsure of everything he's ever done in his whole life.

He catches Yuqi and Yeji watching him, and when their eyes meet the two girls give him a questioning thumbs up, clearly as confused as he is.

After a deep breath, Jun turns on his heel and follows his manager back to the now empty back room.