The Pact (Sterling U: book 2)

Chapter 10: Savvy

My heart pounded so hard I swear it was trying to escape my chest. I stared down at the text message that Nate sent with conflicting feelings. I was excited, spending time with him had become something that I looked forward to, craved. But I was nervous as hell, terrified even, about what this new pact meant. We already had rules in place. Isn't that the same thing? Apparently not. He wanted to make something more concrete. Add more to what we already established and my nerves were running rampant at the thought.

If only this were like one of my books. If only I could write this story and know how it ends instead of living it and walking through the days blind and not knowing what the next would hold.

I studied publishing and English Lit specifically for this reason. I never wanted to be one of those girls that people wrote their stories about, I wanted to be the person writing the story. Or at least reading it and living vicariously through someone and being able to laugh and say "thank God that's not my life" if it was fucked up. But nope, Nate Burrows had to go and put me at the edge of my seat with a plot twist. What the fuck is this pact about?!

My mind kept screaming the question at me throughout dinner. I was thankful for the distraction from my family. It helped me focus on something other than their constant put-me-downs and criticism. Letty kept glancing over at me throughout dinner, but like any other time she stuffed her face to help keep her quiet. I loved her beyond belief for putting up with my family, especially during the holidays when she had none. I knew she wanted to speak up, say something and stick up for me but years ago we established that it wasn't even worth it. Now she comes to hold my hand in silence while I take what they give me and swallow it down with my pride.

Staying silent doesn't make you weak, I repeat to myself over and over. Their opinions don't define you, what you do with them does. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. We had planned to stay the night here but after seeing my room's transformation I figured it was best if Letty and I grabbed the bus back home even if we got in late. I stood from the table just as everyone was finishing dessert. The conversation had turned to how my mother was so excited to be getting a grandchild since she knows no one will ever settle down with me to have children. I smiled at the table as they continued to bash me. "Letty and I have to get going. It was nice seeing you all. Thank you for the food and everything. Happy thanksgiving."

My brother looked up from the table, "I thought you were staying the night." He narrowed his eyes at me, a scowl on his face as if me leaving was really such a bad thing.

"I forgot that I have a project to finish that's due Monday. Sorry." My family turned their cold, hard stares at me and I put my poker face on hoping that they couldn't see it get to me.

"I have work tomorrow too. Someone called out and they needed me. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience," Letty chimed in in an attempt to save me. My mother's stare softened as she looked over at her, "Oh, it's okay dear. It was wonderful to see you again. I hope you guys make it back alright." We both gave my mother a tight smile before leaving the table to gather our things. The second we left the apartment I let out a huge breath. It felt like I had been trapped inside an elevator with strangers for hours and I'm just now able to escape the confines of the small space. Finally able to breathe, I leaned over onto Letty as we walked to the subway.

"Thank God that's over."

She nudged me, "Yeah. It was pretty rough. You know I hate the way they talk to you." I nodded. I hate the way they talk to me too but it's always been like that. They few times I've spoken up to say something or defend myself only made matters worse. The arguing grew, the screaming got louder, sometimes my things got damaged or ended up missing. In the end it just wasn't worth it. I figured out that keeping quiet and swallowing what they threw at me benefitted me more then defending myself or arguing back. I thought when I went away to college that things would get better, but nothing changed. Honestly, if I never got accepted to Sterling U I would probably still be at home, drowning in the emotional abuse so deep that I wouldn't even know how to escape.