Can You Keep A Secret (Denis Stoff)

27

A/N: THE FINAL CHAPTER!! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?!?!? P.S. Trigger warning (which has been noted in the author's warning as well)

Ryan's POV:

It had been a while since I'd seen or heard from Denis. He'd said that he was going to be right back, but a half an hour seems like a long time to leave someone that you're supposed to be there for. I decided to go looking for him when he didn't return any of my calls. 

Cameron saw me leaving. "Where are you going?" He asked me.

"Denis said that he'd be right back, but he's still out somewhere."

"When did he leave?"

"A half an hour ago. Should I be worried?"

"I'm going to get Sam, and then we'll go out and look for him, okay?"

I nodded. I think that Cameron knows what's going on, but he's not telling me. Is this something that happens often? Or rather something that I should know about but don't?

I waited anxiously until Cameron returned with Sam, who looked a bit intoxicated. The three of us set out to go and find Denis.

But when we eventually did, I wished that we hadn't. I put my fingers to his neck, feeling for his pulse. He'd jumped off of a building and killed himself. I can't believe that he'd do this, especially after everything that he'd told me. Have all of his words of encouragement been just smoke and mirrors? 

"I'll call the others down here," Sam said, sounding uneasy. He walked away to split up the wedding's after party. 

I felt heavy in that moment. Betrayed, lied to, and heavy. I wished that there was something more that I could have done for him. But I guess that he'd had his mind already made up about this long ago. From the first time he'd tried, to the second, and now this. 

But I really wish that he hadn't done it. 

A while later, we were all sitting in his apartment. We found the key in his pocket. "He's really gone this time," Cam said, sounding down.

"He's really gone this time," Lily agreed. 

I sat quietly with Ben. "What's wrong with me?" He whispered. 

"It's not your fault-" I started.

"It's all my fault! It's always been my fault!" He shouted at me. 

No one tried to console him, there wasn't much point anyways. 

I saw a flash in the corner of my eye. His laptop was still on. I walked over to it, and on the screen a video appeared. On the video was Denis, and the video was labeled, 'for everyone.' I let it play. 

"Hey guys, if you're watching this it means that I followed through with my suicide. So I want to say goodbye to each of you individually. James, you first." James came to the computer. "Don't be afraid to be upset, okay? You have the right to emotions too. Also, the short hair is a good look for you." Denis smiled. "Sam's next." Sam approached the computer while James moved aside for him. "Keep your alcoholism in check for me, alright? Try not to do anything too stupid. Don't want to see you with me in the afterlife for another seventy years." He laughed a bit. "Cam, I want for you to hear this." There was another shifting of people. Cameron watched as Denis spoke to him. "Listen, feelings that aren't mutual hurt. I get it. But you can't blame yourself for not being able to be my rock, mate. I promise that you'll find someone some day." And then it was Ben's turn. "This is in no way your doing. I did this on my own accord this time. And I know that you'll never believe me. Maybe you and Danny can hit it off a second time. But you can get rid of that note and drawing. Yes, I know about that." Lily went up to him next. "Lily, you're my best friend in the whole world. I'll miss you a bit when I go. But I will advise you to keep painting your pain. That drawing of me in the knife was damn amazing." And finally, he spoke to me. "Ryan, you're the one thing that makes me regret doing this. It's not something that you did. I had to do this, I hope that you understand. But please eat for me. I will always be with you. I know that sounds stupid, because I'm gone, but I will always be there for you. But one last quick song." He took a deep breath and sang, "Please don't be lonely when I'm gone. I've been so sad for far too long. And as I gently slip away, this song will always stay." He blew me a kiss. "I love you." And then it was over. I looked around me and saw that the others had all left. It was only me. 

I broke down. "I don't want that, Denis! I want you back! I miss you! I love you too!"

But nothing happened. Not that I expected anything to happen, but nothing happened. 

I was all alone, and Denis wasn't there for me this time either.

____

Fin

This I'm sad to see the ending of. I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you.

I would do a word count, but I don't feel like getting my calculator out so assume that it's something around twenty-seven thousand. 

Always and forever,

Madeline