Can You Keep A Secret (Denis Stoff)

5

I was walking back down stairs in the dark. I could barely see an inch in front of me. However, I did happen to see a light at the end of this hallway. Based on the stair number that I was on, it was, in fact, my floor. I followed the hall to the light, and saw a figure standing near it. At first I couldn't tell who it was, but then I looked a little more closely. "Ryan? " I asked. "What are you doing up? " 

"I had to go to the-, " Her sentence was cut off by her falling to the ground in agony. 

"Ryan! " I bent down to her, and felt her skin. "You're as cold as death. " I put my hand to her stomach, which I could feel the vibrations of hunger from. Not to mention I could practically feel her internal organs. "You need to eat something, right now, " I told her. 

"Stop touching it! " She snapped, swatting my hand away. 

"You have to eat something, anything! " I didn't realize that it was happening until it had, a little drop of water rolled down my cheek and onto her hand. 

Ryan looked up at me. "Denis? " 

Suddenly, the lights in the hallway flicked on. Someone rushed over to us. They tried talking, but I couldn't hear their words. It was like they were a foreign language. White noise. "It's not real, " I told myself. "She can't die! " I realized that they were pulling me away from Ryan. I struggled against their grip. "Let me go! Let me go! " I screamed. And the there was a pinch in my back. 

That's all I remember before it went dark. 

When I came to, I was in my bed. Everything in my room was as I'd left it, including my sweatshirt. Nothing had changed. 

Except everything had changed. 

I sat up and walked to my door. I had to see Ryan. She needed to eat. I needed to help her. I need to fix something, at least one thing. I tried the knob, but it was locked from the outside. I slammed my fists against it over and over, as had as I could. I need to get out of here right now. 

But the more I hit, the more I knew I wasn't getting out. I slid down against the door. Everyone was gone. No more Lily. No more fans. No more Asking. No more Ryan. 

"Don't cry, " I scolded myself. "Don't..... Cry. " But the unstable breathing had already begun. I brought my knees to my chest and buried my face into them. And I let them fall. 

I rubbed them away, but they fell more and more. They didn't stop. I ran to the window and grabbed the edge. 

"You won't die, " I reminded myself. "You won't die. " 

I pulled the screen out even more than it already was. This time, I didn't the about it, I just jumped. 

I knocked on the door of the hotel room that Lily told me to go to. The door was opened by her, and she nearly fainted. "Denis?! Why are you covered in blood? " 

I looked myself over. I'd fallen into a bed of roses, which broke my fall. But the thorns had cut me up rather badly. Some of them still hadn't stopped bleeding. "I fell into rose thorns. But never mind that. We have to find Ryan! " 

"What are you talking about? She's not missing. " 

"They took her away. She's going to die! They're going to feed her through a tube!"

"Denis? " Ben asked. "What are you doing here? " 

"Tell us everything, " Lily instructed me. 

I sighed. "I was coming back from the roof-" I bit my lip. Oops. 

"Why are you on the roof? " Lily invited me in and closed the door behind me. "You tried to kill yourself?!" 

"I decided not to, " I assured her. 

"This is all my fault, " Ben whispered. 

"Don't blame yourself, " Lily scolded him. 

"No, it really is. I told him to kill himself, " He confessed. 

Lily's jaw dropped. "Wh-why would you do that? " She asked. 

"I was pissed off, okay? I didn't actually mean for this to happen. " 

Lily shook her head. "I don't even know you anymore. " She opened the door to leave. 

"Where are you going? " I asked her. 

"To make sure that Ryan's okay. " She looked Ben in the eye. "Because someone here has to care about this. And clearly, I'm the only one who'd jump in front of a train. " She left and slammed the door behind her. 

Ben fell back onto the bed in the room. "Fuck! " He swore loudly. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." 

"I'm so sorry. " 

"It wasn't your fault. I should never have told you that. I was just pissed, and I wasn't thinking clearly. " 

"It's okay, Ben. You weren't the first, and you won't be the last. I just took it the wrong way because you actually know me. " 

"People tell you to kill yourself? " 

"Oh, yeah. All of the time. They just can't wrap their heads around the fact that people enjoy my music. And I'm never good enough for them. All that bullshit. " 

"Why don't you say anything? "

"Every rock star gets it. It's a part if the business. It always will be. I was just being sensitive. But you should give her some space. She'll come around, she always does. " I rolled my eyes. 

"Are you jealous? " He asked. 

"What? No! Lily and I are just friends. " 

"I mean of our relationship. " 

"Oh, that. No. I've got friends. I've had girlfriends before. " 

"Why did you write your letter to me, and not to anyone else? " 

"Because..... I thought that you wouldn't try to save me. " 

"Oh, I see. " 

Because I'm not jealous of you, I'm jealous of Lily.