Can You Keep A Secret (Denis Stoff)

8

Denis's POV: 

Ben and Lily decided to go out on a last minute date, so I was left alone in the hotel room. What else is new? There was a knock at the door, and I looked at the clock, confused. It's barely been fifteen minutes, they couldn't be back yet. I opened it cautiously, and was surprised to see Ryan. 

"Can I borrow some of your clothes? " She asked awkwardly. 

I let her in, closing the door behind her. "I'm just wearing Ben's. You could borrow Lily's if you'd like, " I told her. 

"Yeah, okay." She stepped over to one of the suitcases and started digging through it. "She must really like the color purple."

"It's her favorite color," I stated.

Ryan pulled out a baggy purple shirt and some black jeans, then proceeded to go into the bathroom to change into them. I walked over to the door to talk to her. "What happened?"

"Well, they took me to a hospital because I passed out. And then I was fed through a tube for a little while. Lily came to visit me. Then I was fed again. At about eight I raced out as fast as my legs could carry me, pulled the fire alarm, and then ran here."

It was around ten now. The nearest hospital isn't even that far from here.

"Hey, Den?" She asked. Her voice sounded different, almost sorrowful. "Before I passed out, you told me that I had to eat something, and when I looked up, you were crying." There was a pause because I didn't respond. "I've never seen anyone cry over me before." Ryan opened the door to the bathroom, letting me see her. Lily's clothes were enormous on Ryan. They were already loose on Lily, but Ryan made them look ridiculous. 

"I tried to kill myself just before then," I whispered. "I didn't want you to go." I looked at her. "Please don't go."

Ryan hugged me tightly. She rested her head on my shoulder, and we rocked back and forth for a long, long time. 

"Please don't go," I whimpered once more. "Please don't go," I whined this time, feeling myself on the verge of a breakdown.

"I'm not going anywhere, Den. I promise."

"Shit-" I started when a tear fell onto the back of her shirt.

"It's okay, it's okay," Ryan assured me. "It's okay."

Later that night though, I really wasn't okay. Ben and Lily still weren't back. If I knew Ben, he was probably either getting wasted or fucking her.

Why should I care?

I went to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. "Jealous of your best friend? Crying? You weak pussy. I fucking hate you!" I told my reflection. I hit myself on my cheek. "Engaged!" I hit myself harder. "Secrets!" I hit myself even harder. "And you're a filthy liar!" I looked a my reflection. A failure was all that stared back. I punched the glass, shattering it. I ripped through one of the bags on the counter, needing to hit something. I tired the shower curtain off of it's rod, pulling the rod down too. I threw the towels all over the floor.

I found Ben's razor. It was too easy. I pulled it apart, ready to use the blade. The door to the bathroom opened. Ryan rushed over to me and tore the razor blade out of my grip. She pulled me up and pushed me back into the part of the hotel room with the beds. I pulled out of her grip and slammed myself into the wall on the other side of the room. I punched it over and over again. "Why," punch, "can't," punch, "I," punch, "just," punch, "be," punch, "happy?!" I fell to the ground in that moment, in tears with several bloody knuckles. 

Ryan didn't do anything except go back into the bathroom to fix the mess that I'd made. I don't know whether I was relieved or pissed. Maybe it's good that she is understanding enough not to try and stop me, but it's bad that she doesn't give two fucks about my bleeding knuckles. 

She came back out quietly, bending down to where I was. "What do you need me to do?" She asked gently. 

I couldn't answer the question. 

"Come and sit on the bed. You just need to relax and take your mind off of it is all." She reached for me, but I hit her hand away, harder than I meant to. "Okay, I'll let you have your temper tantrum if that's what you want." She stood up and back away. 

"Wait!" I called. 

"I don't know what to do for you, Denis. What do you want from me?"

"I'll sit, I'll sit," I told her, standing up to sit down on the bed like she'd asked me to. She had one of the towels that I'd thrown onto the floor in her hand conveniently. 

She began dabbing at my knuckles. "You broke the mirror. I've never seen anyone hit something so hard." 

I hissed in pain as she went over them. 

"I don't need to know what set you off. But it must've hurt really bad for you to react like that." She paused. "Hold on a second. I'll be right back." She went back into the bathroom and started going through things. She came back out with eyeliner and eyeshadow. "It's a good thing that Lily likes black too."

"What are you going to do with those?"

"The sensation is rather relaxing," Ryan explained, approaching me. She stared on the eyeshadow, brushing it across my right eye gently. 

"Black as the darkest night," I told her. "Make them as black as the darkest night."

"You underestimate me," She said, laying the eyeshadow on thicker. "There's supposed to be a lunar eclipse tonight, you know."

"Great, I'll be looking for it later," I replied.