Illicit Affairs

twenty-two. my real home

Despite all of the challenges, two weeks quickly pass by.

As I wait at the airport for my flight back to my real home, my mom puts on a show with her alligator tears and fake frowns as she wishes me a safe trip back. She rubs away at her eye, making her mascara run down her aging face. She's very good at this, pretending like she'll miss me.

I'm the better actress though.

I prove that again when I kiss Cole on the cheek, putting on my biggest grin for a photo that my parents demand to have. He smiles earnestly, and he almost looks like a decent guy until he rolls his eyes at me when thee small photoshoot is complete. Today, he's opted for another one of his basic outifts of an Adidas sweatshirt, track pants, and athletic shoes. His hair is messy, free without the impact of any gels or hairsprays. His parents are standing next to my own parents, and they look uptight and ignorant like always.

Their matching suits and parades of fanciness will never hide their lack of dignity for what they've put their own son through.

After a while, Cole and I are forced to part ways with each of our families. We're forced to walk down the large building together while holding hands, and we try our best to avoid bumping into anyone. Cole try to spark up some conversations with me, but for the most part, he's silent.

I want to press on the issue of the text message that he had seen, but I think that it may be too late for that. In the course of the two weeks, nothing more had happened to worsen that situation. Aria and I remained private like always, and the rules of my daily life hadn't hurt our relationship.

I turn my attention to Aria, and I realize that I absolutely can't wait to see her. She had mentioned that she had hit a bit of low point within a week of her vacation, but she said that she was starting to feel better. Once I see her today, I'll get a better idea of whether that's true or not.

It's not that I'm accusing her of lying. It's just that I know that she likes to downplay her feelings in order to not feel like a burden.

She doesn't yet seem to believe that I won't ignore her feelings or play with them, but I know that it takes time. Everything takes time.

That brings me to my next universe of thoughts, which is that time may have changed her mind about a relationship. I won't ask her about it, of course, but I'm still living for the hope that she'll want to be my girlfriend.

It only takes me a second to realize that I'm being selfish.

I can't hope for something to happen when it's clear that it's not going to happen. Aria has her own life with her own issues, and it's unfair to expect me to want to intertwine her soul with mine. I can't wish for anything under all of these circumstances.

Besides, how would even a relationship work?

Being friends with benefits is one thing. Being in a relationship is something entirely different.

I can't subject Aria to live under complete secrecy when it comes to something serious like dating. I need to be considerate of her feelings even if it sucks for me.

That's what I keep thinking about on the plane, wondering what will await me when we get back to the dorms. Cole is sitting next to me, but he stays quiet.

His silence continues for the entire plane ride, the car ride, and the walk back to the dorms.

He only speaks up when he walks me to my room, after an hour or so of fixing some technicalities with the school's office, and wishes me a nice day. It's lucky that it's still morning, or else I would have taken the chance to knock out and fall asleep.

I have to stay awake for the sake of the light outside, and my urges to welcome Aria when she gets here.

She doesn't text me with any warnings, so I'm completely shocked when I hear her make her way inside our room an hour later.

She looks the same as two weeks ago, and I realize that nothing has changed. Her brown eyes still shine, and her lips are as red as ever. She's opted for a tight white top, and black skinny jeans with white Converse shoes. She drops her suitcase to the ground, and practically runs toward me.

She slightly leaps before falling into my arms and hugging me like nothing else exists. She lays a bunch of her captivating kisses on my face, and squeals with joy, saying, "I missed you so much!"

"I did too," I say, but my voice is barely above a whisper because of the overwhelming butterflies in my stomach and her soft touch. I kiss her deeply, savoring the taste of her lips and the feeling she gives me. I smile into the kiss, and I can't help it as I loosely wrap my arms around her neck to get her closer to me.

She breaks the kiss to ask, "tell me, how was your vacation?"

I make a sour face in response, and I return the question to her.

She shrugs, and says, "it went pretty well."

I ask her to explain more, and she launches into the story of what happened over the course of her break. I learn that her two siblings kept tormenting by hiding her belongings throughout the house like a game of hide-and-seek. I find out that she went to church on Christmas morning with her entire family. I hear about how she stayed up until midnight, waiting for the new year by drinking shots of alcohol that her own parents supplied.

The entire time, she has an adoring smile on her face and it's obvious that her love for her family is so immense that she wouldn't even be able to contain it in one room.

"And your depression?" I ask.

She winces, and says, "I mean, it's always a struggle, and some days were really hard this break. It annoys me how my family calls me lazy when in reality I'm just depressed. The two things aren't even related."

I stay silent, waiting for her to say something more but she doesn't. I decide to speak up, but she interrupts me with another kiss.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her.

"It's not a big deal," she responds. "Depression is depression and my family is my family. There's noithing more to it."

She seems honest when she says that, so I decide not to press on the topic. I don't want to force her to share anything more if she doesn't want to.

A mischevious glint appears in her charming eyes, and she says, "I would rather do something else."

"Hmm, like what?"

"You."

And then she shoves me against the wall and starts to kiss me.

All I can say is that I'm glad to be back at my real home.