Wonderful | wicked | book 2/3

Nessa

There's a knock at my door.
I've heard so much commotion from outside of it that I think nothing of it, I'm not coming out.
I'm not ready, I feel so ashamed of myself, the one woman that I thought would love me was disappointed.
She died birthing me and she looked me in the eyes and apologised for the way I am.
Another knock.
"Miss Nessarose?"
Oh goodness, it's Harley.
"It's open," I croak, my voice shaking with either rage or sorrow, I don't know at this point.
I hear the door click open behind me, Harley footsteps slowly approach me, I'm facing towards my bed, away from the door.
I can feel my heart racing, I'm desperate for Harley to not see the tears on my face but I'm not ready to go and find some tissues.
"Let me find you a nightie," Harley hums, searching around inside my wardrobe.
I've still not seen her as she's spent the whole time outside of my vision.
"Perfect," Harley exclaims, theres the sound of my wardrobe shutting as I hear harley back her way over to my bed, she places down a green silk nightgown onto my bed.
Harley stands back and faces me, her curly hair is beautifully tied up in a bun and she's wearing a dress that is ironically a similar colour to the nightie she's picked out.
"How's your day been?" She asks merrily, I'm not in the mood to chat, I'm not in the mood for anything.
"Harley," she stops in her tracks "has my sister left?"
Harley nods up and down hurriedly,
"Yes she left once I arrived, your sister had told me that I don't need to be here tomorrow morning."
I don't even want to think why she's told her that, I just nod quietly along as Harley puts me into my night gown and sets me back down onto my chair.

I can feel myself beginning to cry again, but this time Harley notices,
I just want to be left alone and to go to sleep.
"Miss Nessarose is something wrong?"
My cheeks burn with a sudden rage.
"Nothing is wrong with me!" I snap, ferociously wiping my eyes.
Harley looks hurt, but sill lifts me up and places me gently down into bed.
I want to apologise, it's not her fault I'm angry, it's not her fault at all.
Harley creeps out of the room, looking tearful and I hear my office door closing.
I scream again loudly, letting out everything I can possibly think off.
I'm such a child, a stupid, stupid child.

I suddenly open my eyes, there's light shining through the window by my bed,
Did I fall asleep?
I can hear noise coming from my office and a shiver shoots up my spine, the last time this happened.
Madame Morrible...
I'm in bed now, completely incapable of getting up and helping myself.
There whispering, angry whispering.
Then a face appears in the doorway.
Glinda.
Thank goodness.
"Oh Nessa," she sighs pitifully, rushing to my beside and glancing sorrowfully at me.
"Elphaba told us what happened, I'm so sorry."
I turn my head away though my neck is stiff, Glinda stands up and I hear her pushing my chair towards the side of the bed.
"I think it's best to get you up," she says calmly, scooping me out of bed and into my chair, I'm still in my night gown, but Glinda doesn't seems to care.
She goes over to my dressing table and takes my golden hairbrush off of it, bringing it back over to me, she begins to brush my hair.
Once finished she places it back onto the table and looks out into the hallway.
"We are so worried about you Nessa," Glinda says sadly,
"We?" I gasp "is Elphaba here?"
Glinda shakes her head,
"No no, it's me and Boc."
Oh no, anyone but Boc, I just can't bare it not now.

Glinda grabs the back of my chair and pushes me out through my Office into the lounge, there Boc sits calmly on the sofa, his expression changes drastically when he sees me.
I feel exposed, just sat her in my nightie.
Glind goes and sits on the floor next to my chair.
I hate this, I just want to be alone.
"Nessa..." Boc mumbles, not knowing what to say or how to say it.
I place my hands onto my arm rests and lean my head against them, tears prick at my eyes.
I don't want to cry again, not anymore.
I just wish people would leave me alone.
I don't want people to watch me cry.
It's humiliating.
A poor girl in a wheelchair sobbing, it just looks pathetic.
"Oh!" Glinda exclaims suddenly, her footsteps scampering towards me, she throws herself at me feet.
"Nessa please don't cry!" She whispers,
I clench my teeth, I start to look away, I can't bare this.
"Ness, Nessa!" Glinda cries.
I begin to shake, I feel sick, I've cried so much I think there's nothing left.
"Glinda stop it." I snap suddenly "I can't do this anymore."
Glinda looks alarmed but leans back.

I just keep hurting everyone because I'm hurting, it's not fair, nothings fair.
I want to do it again, the spell.
I want to talk to my mother without anyone else in the room.
But it's a crazy idea, I couldn't muster the courage to look her in the eyes.
"Glinda..." I mutter slowly "I..I'm sorry,"
I begin to cry again, Glinda stands up and hugs me tightly.
"Glinda!" I splitter, tears chocking my words "she said I was ruined,"
I can hear Glinda sniffing back tears of her own,
"Oh Nessa I'm so sorry,"
I clench my hands around her, I have no intention of every letting go.
"She looked at me like she was ashamed,"
I peer over Glindas shoulder to see Boc day on the sofa wiping his red eyes.
Oh god, I've made everyone sad now.