Wonderful | wicked | book 2/3

Nessa

Elphaba lights the candle, the auburn flame glows brightly, a beautiful yet haunting contrast against the otherwise dark room.
The candles flickers, causing the room to be momentarily engulfed with darkness, Elphaba opens the book, she turns to the bookmarked page.
I hear Alberts breath against the deathly silent room, he's stood by the door that I reluctantly allowed to be closed.
Elphaba begins to read.

"palest videamus ignem huc provecta est consecuta"

The candle flickers again this time the flame returns as a pale white colour, the light it's admitting is eerie and uncomfortably cold for a candle.
"We wish to speak with Melena Thropp!" Elphaba says sternly, the candles flame begins to shake.
Then it grows enormously, encapsulating the room in a blinding white glow.
A woman's face begins to form from the candle smoke, then her neck, then the rest of  her body.
The candles flame is once again at its usual size, the woman floats above.
She's beautiful, long flowing hair, simple complimentary features, that seem to look frightened.
I'm breathless, I have no words.
That's my mother, a woman who was only myth during my childhood.
She wears a long white dress, that is darker around her stomach and legs.
Blood stains.

The beautiful figure is partially see through, sometimes I am able to clearly see Elphabas focused face and others less clear.
"Where am I?" The spectre speaks, her voice is soft but frantic.
"Mother..." Elphaba whispers, the figure, still facing me looks shocked and overcome with sadness.
"Elphaba is that you? My baby girl!" She exclaims, though I'm unsure of how she's seeing her.
"Yes mother it's me," Elphabas words are slow and unsure.
She looks afraid.
"Your all grown up." mother whispers, icy tears dropping down her grey cheeks.
I never thought ghosts would cry.
"And I..." Mother face suddenly chances from sadness to panic "the baby!" She cries frantically "my baby, is she okay, did she survive?"
Mother begins to turn her head rapidly in every possible direction.
Neither me or Albert have had the courage to speak.

"Mum, the baby was fine, it was a girl."
Mother smiles,
"A girl! A girl!" She choruses merrily, "my Nessarose."
She said my name, my heart stops, everything stops.
Like time itself has frozen, I want to speak, I cough slightly and Elphaba looks up from the floor.
"M...Mother," I croak.
She looks around her, then faces me, we make eye contact and I feel tears dripping down my face.
"Nessarose." Mother whispers, "my baby."
Without thinking I push myself forward, mother gasps.
"What happened, what's wrong!" She crys,
Elphaba looks panicked, I hear Alberts heavily breaths going deathly silent.
"Nothing," I mumble frantically "I...Ive always been this way."
Mother looks disappointed, let down by her own murderer.
She lost her life giving birth to me and I wasn't worth it.
"No!" Mother shouts, I feel her voice bouncing off the walls "you shouldn't have had to deal with this, your were supposed to have a perfect life, a perfect..."
Elphaba scowls, she glares up at our mother, who begins to cry again.
"I want to hold you!" She screams "I want to hold my baby!"
I push myself backwards rather quickly, alarmed by her sudden rage, Elphaba looks scared.
"But I'm dead, I'm no help to anyone, Frex had to raise you both on his own, I'm so sorry."
"Mother, stop it, Nessa is perfect." Elphaba says forcefully.
"But my poor baby!" Mother cries "I want to hold my baby!"
Her words echo through out my head, she wants to hold me and I want to be held.
"Elphaba, did Frex love you both, did he care for you both?" Mother calls out frantically, the more stressed she seems to get, the paler she seems to become, the closer to the darkness she seems to be.

"Yes," Elphaba lies "Frex did, everything was fine, you don't have to worry, Nessa has everything she needed."
Mother continues to cry and continues to fade against the dark room.
"Elphaba this wasn't how it was meant to be, I was meant to see you both grow up, to love you and to be there." Our mother cries, "I should have helped you Nessarose, to live, everyday I would have helped you and loved you and..."
Mother pauses for a moment, stumbling over her words, frantically repeating herself, everything feels so wrong.
"Nessarose!" She wails "I shouldn't have trusted the milk flower, I shouldn't have let Frex poison me, poison you, you've had to deal with being broken, I'm so sorry."
I cover my ears, I press my hands tightly into the sides of my head, it's not just me, Elphabas had to deal with it too, but she doesn't see that, I can't walk.
I'm broken.
"Nessarose forgive me!" Mother screams louder and louder "I didn't choose to ruin you."
I know she's scared and confused, but I can't take this anymore, I'm not ruined.
I never was ruined, I'm so ashamed of the way I am because I believe it to be a hindrance to my family but the truth is I'm only ashamed when I feel like a burden, I don't care about the way I am.
"Nessarose, please, look at me!" Mother crys "I never got to see you grow, I missed so much I..."

The room goes dark, mother fades away into the darkness and the candle blows out, the room is pitch black, I scream loudly.
Albert hastily opens the door and allows light once again to flood the room.
"Nessa, I'm so sorry..." Elphaba begins.
I don't listen, I won't listen.
I push myself out of the room toward my bed room.
I make it inside and face away from the door, loathing the fact that I can't shut it.
I hear Elphaba shout something and Albert shout back.
But my heads a mess, I can't focus.
Even my own mother was ashamed.
She missed so much, watching her scream that she wanted to hold me broke something.
I can't talk to anyone right now, my head has been scrambled, every one of my thoughts are in a different direction.
I want to cry, great loud sobs.
But I don't, I allow the tears to stream down my cheeks silently.
As to not force Elphaba to race to my aid.
I don't want help, I want to be left alone.
Permanently.
Forever.
I want to be held by my mother but I know that not possible, I disturbed a resting spirit.
I feel sick.

(Extra information)
The spell elphaba chants, translates from Latin into: let us see the palest flame, a late loved one is here again