Wonderful | wicked | book 2/3

Elphie

"Nessa, this is amazing!" I gush.
I don't understand why she's so resistant, she will do great, it's an incredible opportunity.
We're all sat in the staff room, Dr Dillamond took me aside and explained everything to me.
I think it's wonderful, Dr Dillamond has left us all alone now to try and convince Nessa to take him up on his offer.
"You'll do great at this," Glinda says encouragingly, though her tone is happy her face looks upset about something.
I choose to ignore it and focus on the issue at hand.
"Nessa, it's only one day, what could possibly go wrong?" I say, I'm trying my best but I'm hopeless at this.
Nessa pushes herself over to me, her arms shaking.
She must be exhausted.
"Elphie, can I speak to you on your own?" Nessa asks meekly, I nod, Glinda and Fiyero scurry off back into Dr Dillamonds office.

I turn back to face my sister, I'm still confused why she doesn't want this, it's a chance to really make a difference.
"Ness, what's really wrong?" I ask gently, crouching down to be by her side.
Nessa blinks slowly and turns her head away from me.
"I'm not meant to be a leader," she mutters, her tone dropping.
"That's no reason not to try, they are just kids," I say.
Well, there not really kids but they aren't adults.
Nessa whips her head round, she looks angry all of a sudden.
"Weren't we just kids?" She shouts suddenly, her face turning back to sadness, tears flood down her cheeks "weren't we just kids when father ruined any chance we had of simply enjoying ourselves."

I don't like this, it's all coming out at once, we rarely every talk about father, out of respect for a dead man or the more likely, just too much to say.
"Nessa your nothing like him" I splutter truthfully.
"That's not the point" she whispers "if I messed this up I could mess them up"
Nessa looks frantically around the room, I'm unsure of what's she searching for.
Suddenly she pushes herself over to a patchy blue sofa, tucked neatly in a corner.
I follow her and sit on the sofa, Nessa looks at the bare space next to me longingly, I reach forward and lift her as gently as I can onto the seat next to me, Nessa rocks herself so that she falls sideways onto my shoulder.
I wrap my arm protectively around her.
"Looking back, I know father treated you worse, he favoured me at your expense" Nessa says, her voice quivering "what if I end up doing something like that?"
I stare out at the empty room.
"You won't-" Nessa cuts me off.
"I already have, father taught me that someone would always be there for me and when people started to leave me, I couldn't function, I started taking things away from people who didn't deserve it"
Nessas crying now, loud, heavy sobs.
I want to cry to but I can't, I have to remain strong.
That's the impact that father left on me, your feelings are only secondary compared to your sisters.
"But ness, you've changed, we have all changed"I say encouragingly.
I can't hear Nessa crying anymore, though it may just be silent.

"Elphie, I'm going to do this," Nessa says after a while of peaceful silence "it's time I did something with my life,"
I hug my sister tighter, I know it's not going to be easy but I believe that she can do it.
Maybe we can all move forward.
"But can we talk about father" Nessa whispers "I mean really talk."
I don't know what to say, there's so many unspoken things about him.
For so long I craved for the attention and nurture that Nessa revived from our Father but now I see that he made both of us equally damaged.
"Nessa I owe you an apology" I say suddenly, Nessa tilts her head up towards me, a look of confusion upon her face.
"If anyone owes an apology it's me," she says, but I have to say what I need to say.
"No ness, I justified you being angry at father so many times by saying that it was because he cared and that wasn't fair, I didn't let you be angry about anything because I didn't get that kind of attention"
Nessa nods and blinks away her tears.
"I'm sorry for not standing up to father, I knew that he wasn't treating you properly I was just so scared that he'd stop loving me and..." Nessa let's her voice fade away.

Nessas lip trembles and her face scrunches up like a piece of paper, she extends her arms and falls into my side.
I hug her tightly, I can feels her crying into my chest.
"Oh ness," I whisper "don't cry"
I'm hopeless and trying to stop her from being sad.
I lift her up gently and place her on my lap, I pull her into my chest and hold her again.
Nessa is eighteen but she still feels like a child.
So fragile and small.
The door clicks open and for a small second I'm worried it's a faculty member who's about to get the fright of their life.
But fortunately it's just Glinda and Fiyero returning from Dr Dillamonds office.
Nessa keeps her face pressed up against my chest, I put my finger to my lips so that Fiyero and Glinda don't startle her.
I don't know if Nessa would be comfortable with them seeing her sat on my lap.

After a while my legs start to feel numb, Nessa is still crying but silently, she's not heavy in the slightest but it's just the fact that I've been in the same position for a while now.
"Nessa" I whisper hesitantly, "feeling a bit better?"
Nessa slides her hand up to her eyes and scrubs at them ferociously.
I glance over at Glinda, who makes immediate eye contact with me, I then stare intently at Nessas chair and then back at Glinda.
I'm silently hoping that she will catch my message and bring the chair over.
But alas she does not and just stares back at me with a bewildered look upon her face.
Luckily Fiyero gets what I'm hinting at and brings the chair over.
I tap Nessa gently on the shoulder and lift her back into her chair, she still hasn't noticed that Fiyero and Glinda are back in the room.