naruto oneshots

my everything

pairing: sasori x deidara
type: angst
au: high school au

summary: on may sixth, twenty twenty, deidara's best friend took his life. it was the worst (late) birthday present deidara could have ever received.

tw's: mentions of suicide and self harm, themes revolving around death and depression 

xxx

it's sad because deidara was just falling out of kove with him, too, but after the suicide it was hard to escape that drowning sensation.

he remembers all of the chaos it caused. while sasori's phone was endlessly ringing and chiming with notifications, deidara could see his reflection in his own tears. deidara's heart was pounding as he called sasori for the forty fifth time.

that was the number next to his contact. deidara tried to call sasori forty five times that night.

everything sounded fuzzy and his vision was giving out, but he was still able to catch the sound of his fork hitting the kitchen tile. it was most likely his dog knocking down his plate of cake. the rest of his chocolate cake sat on the counter with about half of the letters from "happy sixteenth birthday". 

deidara rushed to put on his crocs and eventually got them on through his gasps. he's never been an emotional person, but this same scenario happened a few months prior to this. it wasn't as bad and sasori was just thinking about it, but it still put deidara in a frenzy. 

he yanked the door open and slammed the door, not looking back to double check if the front door even shut all the way. ignoring his tears, deidara sprinted down the sidewalk to get to his friend's house. 

usually a six minute walk, but this time deidara wanted to get there more than anything. actually, he needed to get there more than anything else.

when he arrived, the door was locked. deidara screwed around with the door before quickly making his way around the back and opening the back door to get inside the house. 

deidara has ptsd from what he saw that day. he's never able to sleep and is, in short, traumatized for life.

he wasn't at school for a week but when he finally went back, he was picked up before lunch because of a mental breakdown. it was humiliating in the moment, but in the comfort of his bed, deidara didn't care.

it took him weeks to get a decent night of sleep. the disturbing image still lurks his mind making it hard to concentrate on nothing and everything at the same time. 

the funeral was actual hell and he was sobbing under his breath the whole time. when sasori's mother spoke, deidara deteriorated and sobbed in the bathroom for the remainder of the ceremony. it wasn't a good day.

people at school kept their distance from deidara, but the teachers don't treat him much differently. "hey," some of his friends would greet at lunch. deidara would glare up at them while ignoring his food. "how are you feeling?"

he'd consider saying, "shitty like always," but always decided against it and ended up shrugging. they'd reassure him that they're friends and that they're here for him, blah, blah, blah.

luckily, the end of the school year came around quickly and the final day was june twelfth and deidara left that school quicker than ever before. he flipped it off as he has done for years on the last day and turned to his mom's car where she was smiling softly and patiently awaiting her son's arrival.

deidara didn't do much that summer break. his daily routine was wake up around noon, eat something sugary or salty, scroll on your phone for hours, mess around with clay and do anything else until three am where he skills fall asleep.

he also visited sasori's grave every once-in-a-while. he would always pick a dandelion from the grass and place it by his grave in reference to how they'd exchange flowers (weeds) in elementary school.

today is november eighth, sasori's birthday, so deidara singlehandedly skipped school. it would be too hard for him to sit through six and a half hours of hell with one thing tormenting you the entire time.

he spent his day doing a whole lot of nothing with tears slowly dripping down his cheeks. he never acknowledged them and let them fall while continuing his life.

a bad habit of his is blaming himself for the suicide. he knew about sasori's self harm and tried so hard to help sasori stop but he was just unable to.

it's a pity, because deidara didn't savor what they had until he was unable to anymore. sasori was his everything, but he caused him to lose everything.

sometimes deidara calls his number just to hear his voice in the voicemail.

xxx

this broke my heart to write </3

813 words