Petrichor

♡︎ꫀ𝓲ᧁꫝ𝓽ꫀꫀꪀ♡︎

The months have passed by painfully slow. It is now June, a completely different season. It has been almost three months yet nobody has talked to me. They're angry with me, I know, but most of them are close enough to know how I am; how I act like I can survive alone when I am the complete opposite.

I snap out of my trance as Snape hands out a textbook. I look over to Draco and he just looks away. He hates me so much, he doesn't want to do anything with me. He even moved his chair as far away as he can in this class. It's pathetic, isn't it? Having the boy who used to not leave you alone avoid you after developing a liking to him.

"Class dismissed."

It has been a couple of days since Cedric Diggory passed away at the third triwizard task. I wasn't there but I heard about it. During this cruel time, everybody has grouped together to cope.

I learned that these type of times can either go two ways for some people:

1. Your friends might make amends and group together to cope and heal.

or

2. Your friend will stray away from you even more as they group up with their current friends.

Unfortunately for me, number two is what happened. Adelph, Ezra, Cyrus, and even Draco began to hang out to get rid of the nasty feeling that Cedric Diggory's death has caused.

I keep reminding myself that I do not need them, that I can survive solo. Unfortunately, it is harder said than done. Watching them all laugh at lunch really hurts me, the fact that can just live on without me. I know what I did was wrong, I know that. I was a shit person, a massive shit show, but I tried apologizing. Cyrus, Ezra, Adelph, and Draco wouldn't give me a chance to even approach them. It hurts, it really hurts to be alone during a time like this.

Delphine came back, all healed. She doesn't like to talk about what had happened that night, not even to her friends. I thought that she would have yelled and pointed her finger at me, for everyone to come at me. However, she didn't. She just avoids me and continues to let me live my life with interfering with me anymore.

It is very close to summer break, thankfully. I have to go home for the summer (instructed by my mum). It's quite a bummer, having to spend my time in a manor that is right next to Draco's.

Draco's words of that night never left my mind. He is 'disgusted' with me after all, he said it.

Isn't it pathetic that the second I become attached to him, he begins to hate me?

I snap out of my intrusive thoughts as I walk through the halls. I see everybody walk around with their friends, all happy that today's classes are over. I see Ernie pass by, he looks at me and I look at him. He doesn't seem so mad like the rest, which is weird.

"Carmen."

He says, making me stop my foot.

My back is facing him before I slowly turn around.

"Yes?"

I ask.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He asks, his voice showing concern.

I stare at him for a moment, not knowing what to say. He nods his head over towards the courtyard, motioning if I want to go there. I follow him as he walks towards the courtyard.

"I forgive you, just wanted to say that."

He says as we sit down on the stone bench.

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

I say as I light a cigarette that is already in my mouth.

"Sorry about everyone, including Draco."

He says, making me look at him.

"I told Adelph that it wasn't a big deal, that we weren't even dating."

He says.

"She will come around soon enough."

He adds.

"Sure."

I say as I exhale out the smoke.

It is silent as we both stare at the grass, in a daze. I don't cry, I haven't cried since that night.

"How are you holding up?"

He asks.

"I'm fine."

I answer.

"I noticed that you spend your time alone, you know? I just wanted to check on you."

He explains.

"I'm fine."

I say again, as if I am trying to convince myself that I am actually okay.

"I have to go now."

He says, to which I nod.

"Thanks for checking in on me."

I say as I look up at him.

He looks down at my eyes, making me wonder if my feelings are transparent. He flashes me a small smile before walking away.