Petrichor

♡︎ᠻꪮ𝘳𝓽ꪗ 𝓽᭙ꪮ♡︎

   I am lying on my bed with Adelph by my side. Her arms are wrapped loosely around me like a hug. I can't force her to do anything with food, so I'm just going to support her. In my hands, there is my notebook and a pen. I have so much on my mind right now; I don't know what to write down first.

" I don't get why the world is so cruel.

I love him.

Why is love never enough? Why did my intrusive thoughts had to be true? Why did he leave me after I gave myself to him. Why is my love never enough?

The day that he left was the day my soul and heart died. "

I write in my journal.

I flip onto the next page as I close my eyes to focus on what to write next.

" He looks tragically beautiful. He stole my heart, yet I don't hate him. The day that I let him in was the best day, and the day that he left me was the worst day of my life.

He left with my heart and soul, yet I still crave him like a drug."

♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎

⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎
It is early in the morning, and I don't know what to do. I am in the bath tub with water covering up to my neck. I stole Cyrus's razor again, which you should already know is a bad sign.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would have done it.

This is a coping mechanism, and it isn't a good one. I know that, yet I still do it. I don't know why I punish myself like this.
⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎

I get out of the tub before wrapping myself in a towel.

After changing into a short, pink night dress with thin straps, I walk over to the bathroom counter. I stand in front of the counter, in front of the mirror. I stare into the fogged up mirror through my dull eyes. I can't fully see myself, but I can see how much of a mess I am. I can see the dark pigment under my eyes through the foggy mirror, and I can see how pale my skin has gotten through the months without him. I then look over to the edge of the counter, where I placed my notebook and pen. I open the notebook as I clutch onto the pen. I flip a new page.

" Why am I doing this?

I harmed myself again. "

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I write, not caring that my blood is dripping onto the page.
⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎⚠︎︎

I want to project how much pain I am in. It hurts, everything does. Everything from my heart to my soul, it hurts. Just because of one person, everything hurts.

" Why am I punishing myself because of him? Was it my fault that he shut me out? What did I do wrong? Why is my love never good enough for anybody? Am I that bad?

I just want his love. "

♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎

♡︎☔︎︎♡︎
Draco blankly stares at his textbook. He came to the library to take his mind off of things, yet she is here. She is sitting one table down from him, and it feels like light is projecting onto her in the dark. His mind is begging him to look at her. 

The rain outside becomes more aggressive as he slowly peaks behind his shoulder to see her. She is writing things down into her potions notebook. Her lips aren't curled up to a faint smile, like how it did when they were together. Her eyes seem more gloomy and less vibrant. There is a dark pigment under her eyes, showing how fatigued she is. You would think that her dark under eyes would make her bright eyes stand out more, but magically, it does the opposite.  The window near her projects a dim light against the side of her cheek. Everything about her is less lifelike, yet he still sees her as the most beautiful girl to ever exist.

He looks back to his textbook with shame. He has been wanting to withdraw from her ever since his father sent him that letter. That day, the day that it happened, his father sent him a letter about what would happen this summer.

Draco knew that Carmen's family was part of the death eaters, but he knew that the dark lord did not have much interest in Carmen. He wants to keep her safe, even if it will hurt them both. He knew that whatever happens this summer and next year would put him in danger.

Feeling like he did enough work, he stands up from his seat. He instantly looks behind, but he doesn't see her. He packs his bag before walking towards the exit, passing her seat on the way. His eyes darts towards the ground, near the chair that she once occupied. A notebook, no, her notebook is on the ground. Without thinking, he bends down to pick it up.
♡︎☔︎︎♡︎