Petrichor

♡︎ᠻꪮ𝘳𝓽ꪗ ꪮꪀꫀ♡︎

☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☽☽☽☽☽☽☽☽
TW: brief mentioning of eating disorder
☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☽☽☽☽☽☽☽☽

I lean against the back of my seat with my arms crossed as I stare at the board. Draco is next to me, and I hate that. He told me that he would never hurt me, yet here I am; slouching in a chair with yesterday's mascara smudged on.

The thing that upsets me the most is how I still love him. My heart and soul still yearns for him. No matter how hard he hurts me, I will forever feel this way.

I look down to my notebook as I think of what I might have done wrong.

♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎☔︎︎♡︎

I play around with my food with the tip of my fork as everyone eats around me. Draco hasn't showed up to dinner like he used to since the split.

I hate him so much, but at the same time I love him with my entire heart. I can have anyone, yet I only want him.

"Carmen?"

Cyrus calls out.

"What?"

I ask.

He looks at me with concerned eyes, but not before masking it with a smile. He always does this; he smiles to try and make me feel better.

"How did you sleep last night?"

He asks.

"I closed my eyes."

I answer before eating.

He gives me a small smile. Sarcasm and my usual wits usually stopped Cyrus from being concerned.

I look up from my food to see Adelph. We haven't been close like we used to, but I still care for her, and she still cares about me. She has been checking in with me ever since Draco has ended things. She is the only one that knows, because, well, I haven't told Cyrus nor Ezra. She has been struggling mentally too, I can see it. She has always dealt with her self image. She beats herself too much, and I used to enjoy it, because I was so mad at her for leaving me alone for months. But now, I feel for her.

Ezra and Cyrus wouldn't understand being a girl. Having people, even your own kind to judge you by solely by your looks. Having people comment on your body, whether it was criticism or lewd things. Ezra would never get what Adelph is going through, but I know. I'm so done with being mad at her. She apologized repeatedly, even after I call her every name in the book. She isn't perfect, nor am I. I feel like it is time to give love to someone who is not Draco, even if it hurts.

I am interrupted by my thoughts when Adelph stands up from her seat.

"You haven't eaten a bite."

Ezra says to Adelph.

"It's nothing, I just ate a lot for snack."

She laughs off.

I begin to stand up from my seat as she begins to walk away. I jog up near her, following her steps as she walks through the halls to the slytherin common room. I notice how her face looks less rosy and how her limbs are getting closer to the bone as she jams her key into our room door.

"Adelph."

I call out as she opens our door.

"Yea?"

She replies as she looks behind her shoulder.

I gently grab onto her wrist as I begin to walk into our room. The sound of the door closing is all I hear as I pull her in for a hug. I never liked hugs ever since I was a child, but Adelph changed that the second I stepped foot into Hogwarts. Sadly, ever since she did what she did, I have been refusing a hug from her.

"Why are you hugging me?"

She asks, and I can hear her voice slightly crack.

I remain silent. I don't want to tell her that I feel bad for calling her names recently, or that I'm hugging her because I know that shes going through another relapse of unhealthy eating habits. I feel my shoulder becoming wet with tears, but I can't hear her cry.

"I don't deserve your hug, Carmen. Why are you hugging me?"

She asks as she begins to cry.

She stops talking, she only cries. She feels smaller and a little bit more fragile, making me wonder how long she hasn't been eating. She has been checking up on me, yet I haven't been checking up on her, just because of my inner child.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Carmen. I'm so sorry for not hearing you out for all of those months."

She sobs out.

"It's okay, I actually forgive you now."

I say.